Tag: electronic arts

Skitchin’ – Retro Review

Fixin’ for Some Skitchin’

I put on roller skates once in my life. It was at my friend David White’s house when I was a little kid. We were in a narrow outside space between the main building of his house and an outbuilding and for whatever reason we decided that I should try a spot of skating. I put them on and carefully pulled myself up with my back to the wall, and then immediately fell painfully onto my arse. I quickly removed the danger-wheels and probably went back inside to fire up David’s ZX Spectrum and play Gauntlet or How to be a Complete Bastard or something (yes that is a real game that he had).

Luckily, Electronic Arts provided me with the opportunity to skate around in an irresponsible and dangerous manner without the risk of breaking my coccyx with their 1994 Mega Drive exclusive title, Skitchin‘. Also, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll have noticed that I mentioned that I might write about this game in my Bomb Rush Cyberfunk article. Consider this retro review an example of my ass cashing a cheque that my mouth wrote, or whatever that weird saying is.

Have you ever skitched in real life? Go on, you can tell me. I ain’t no skitchin’ snitch.

In Skitchin‘ the player takes on the role of a particularly fearless inline skater and attempts to dominate in a skating tournament spanning Canada and the USA. The races take place on the streets of such locations as New York and Vancouver, and players are able to accelerate, crouch and jump, and attack other skaters. The main hook, though, and the thing that differentiates Skitchin‘ the most from its most obvious inspiration (I’ll go into that more in a bit) is the ability to engage in the noble and titular art of “skitching”, in which one grabs on to a passing vehicle to increase one’s speed. So-called because it’s a portmanteau of “skating” and “hitching”, skitching is very illegal and very dangerous, so do not engage in such activities in real life. Although I’m sure that anyone who remembers the video game Skitchin‘ would be too old now to be physically capable of doing it anyway.

If you haven’t played Skitchin‘ but you have played Road Rash you’ve probably already noticed that those screenshots look mighty familiar. Electronic Arts repurposed the Road Rash engine for this game, and despite the differences in the nuances of the gameplay, Road Rash veterans picking this one up will be having a severe case of deja-vu. The graphics are almost identical, the music has a similar feel, and the competitors are represented by digitised sprites in the vein of Road Rash 3.

There’s nothing like skitchin’ on Miami beach. Do roads cut through the beach like this in Miami?

The gameplay does have its differences, though. While you can still claim weapons and attack your fellow skitchers, in order to have any chance of catching up to them to do so you’ll have to engage with the skitching mechanic, using the right timing to grab onto passing cars and then choosing an opportunity to let go, catapulting forward with a bit of momentum before hanging onto the next unassuming mini-van. Each race has an entry fee, and players can gain money by finishing in a decent position, and lose it by having to pay for bail if the cops catch you, medical fees if you break something vital, or new gear because your old stuff wears out over time. If you can’t make the entry fee for the next race, it’s game over – no more skitchin’ for you, bucko.

As the tournament advances the tracks get trickier and the cars upon which the art of skitching is to be performed move faster, making the timing a lot more precise. It’s still doable once you get into a flow, but by the time the difficulty ramps up you’ll probably be realising there’s not much in the way of variety. Skitchin‘ goes through the motions again and again, and while the same can be said for Road Rash, the gameplay loop of Road Rash is just that bit purer and more entertaining. Skitchin‘ complicates matters with its skitching mechanic, and arguably makes things more strategic than Road Rash, but the racing feels slower and the violence less impactful. Skitchin‘ is a fun distraction, but it doesn’t have the character or staying power of its older and more successful sibling.

Besides, motorbikes are way cooler than inline skates, right? If I tried to ride a motorbike in real life, though, I’d definitely break more than my coccyx.

Played via emulator (but I did play it on my Mega Drive back in the day).

The Simpsons: Tapped Out

A Long-time Mild Addiction Finally Taps Out

Yesterday, September 26th 2024, the team behind The Simpsons: Tapped Out mobile game made the surprise announcement that they were pulling the plug on it after 12 years. Online purchases were turned off immediately, the game will be removed from app stores at the end of October, and it will no longer be accessible from January 24th 2025.

I’ve been playing The Simpsons: Tapped Out on and off since 2013. I’m usually not very good with dates, but I remember this because my wife was pregnant when I first got into it. I don’t remember how I was made aware of it, but I do remember owning a Windows phone at the time, and so having to borrow my wife’s Samsung to play. The Simpsons: Tapped Out was one of the main reasons I transitioned to Android phones, so I’ve got that to thank it for at least.

During those early days, I was something of a local ambassador for the game, and got lots of people addicted to it. This included my wife, my sister, many of my work colleagues and various friends and other acquaintances. Many of these people became dangerously addicted, spending real money on the game, or getting involved in online groups who would hack it somehow, giving access to all of the premium characters and items.

I’ve never been much for “freemium” gaming, and like to pride myself on being very resistant to the dirty little ways they keep you playing, but The Simpsons: Tapped Out was the sole exception to this, and a big part of this is certainly how comfortable I find the Simpsons world. This is due to the show, but also to the love I have for The Simpsons: Hit & Run, probably my favourite game based on a TV or movie franchise ever. Yes, that does include GoldenEye 007.

I still never spent a penny of real money on it. Any premium items I owned were either purchased with the trickle of Donuts (the game’s premium currency) that are earned naturally by playing, or by using Google Play Store credit I’d earned by doing surveys (the only other thing I ever purchase with this credit nowadays is the odd AEW pay-per-view on FITE).

I enjoyed making my little version of Springfield, engaging in the events, and watching the little character animations. I played The Simpsons: Tapped Out during boring shifts, while staying overnight in hospitals, and in queues at Disney World. It wasn’t always good, sometimes the events were kind of lame, the dialogue could go on and on at times, and the buildings had a real scale problem. Certain buildings, like the Duff Arena or Springfield General Hospital, were far too small and dwarfed by other buildings that should have been a fraction of the size. Stuff like that really bugs me but overall the game was good, and felt very authentic to the Simpsons universe.

With the advent of this final announcement, the developers offered a final quest-line, threw a load of premium buildings at players, and handed over 1000+ Donuts for absolutely nothing, so that Springfield enthusiasts could make their final, perfect town before the whole thing gets erased. Alas, at the time of writing, a glitch appears to be causing those 1000+ Donuts to disappear (including mine), but it was a nice thought.

Through the dialogue of the Simpsons family members, the developers said goodbye and thank you to players, and a comment was made about them never being credited, despite it being in their contracts that they would be. This made me realise for possibly the first time that there are indeed real, talented, passionate people behind even freemium trash, and The Simpsons: Tapped Out was always very open about its addictive game loop and capitalistic ways. No one is forced to spend money on these things, after all.

I would like to spruce up my Springfield for a final, big photo (the game allows you to download an image of your town and save it to your device) but I don’t know if I’ll bother. I have a large corner of town with miscellaneous buildings that I didn’t immediately have a place for just scattered aimlessly, and sorting it all out would be a big job that I probably shouldn’t make time for. What’s the point, if the whole thing is tragically fleeting?

Well, that’s a philosophical quandary I don’t want to get into. Instead, I’ll just say farewell to The Simpsons: Tapped Out via an article on my little web site that no one will read. I’ll miss it, but it’ll also be nice to not have to worry about logging on four times a day during those events. I’ll just have to play The Simpsons: Hit & Run when I want my digital Springfield fix.