Fixin’ for Some Skitchin’
I put on roller skates once in my life. It was at my friend David White’s house when I was a little kid. We were in a narrow outside space between the main building of his house and an outbuilding and for whatever reason we decided that I should try a spot of skating. I put them on and carefully pulled myself up with my back to the wall, and then immediately fell painfully onto my arse. I quickly removed the danger-wheels and probably went back inside to fire up David’s ZX Spectrum and play Gauntlet or How to be a Complete Bastard or something (yes that is a real game that he had).
Luckily, Electronic Arts provided me with the opportunity to skate around in an irresponsible and dangerous manner without the risk of breaking my coccyx with their 1994 Mega Drive exclusive title, Skitchin‘. Also, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll have noticed that I mentioned that I might write about this game in my Bomb Rush Cyberfunk article. Consider this retro review an example of my ass cashing a cheque that my mouth wrote, or whatever that weird saying is.
In Skitchin‘ the player takes on the role of a particularly fearless inline skater and attempts to dominate in a skating tournament spanning Canada and the USA. The races take place on the streets of such locations as New York and Vancouver, and players are able to accelerate, crouch and jump, and attack other skaters. The main hook, though, and the thing that differentiates Skitchin‘ the most from its most obvious inspiration (I’ll go into that more in a bit) is the ability to engage in the noble and titular art of “skitching”, in which one grabs on to a passing vehicle to increase one’s speed. So-called because it’s a portmanteau of “skating” and “hitching”, skitching is very illegal and very dangerous, so do not engage in such activities in real life. Although I’m sure that anyone who remembers the video game Skitchin‘ would be too old now to be physically capable of doing it anyway.
If you haven’t played Skitchin‘ but you have played Road Rash you’ve probably already noticed that those screenshots look mighty familiar. Electronic Arts repurposed the Road Rash engine for this game, and despite the differences in the nuances of the gameplay, Road Rash veterans picking this one up will be having a severe case of deja-vu. The graphics are almost identical, the music has a similar feel, and the competitors are represented by digitised sprites in the vein of Road Rash 3.
The gameplay does have its differences, though. While you can still claim weapons and attack your fellow skitchers, in order to have any chance of catching up to them to do so you’ll have to engage with the skitching mechanic, using the right timing to grab onto passing cars and then choosing an opportunity to let go, catapulting forward with a bit of momentum before hanging onto the next unassuming mini-van. Each race has an entry fee, and players can gain money by finishing in a decent position, and lose it by having to pay for bail if the cops catch you, medical fees if you break something vital, or new gear because your old stuff wears out over time. If you can’t make the entry fee for the next race, it’s game over – no more skitchin’ for you, bucko.
As the tournament advances the tracks get trickier and the cars upon which the art of skitching is to be performed move faster, making the timing a lot more precise. It’s still doable once you get into a flow, but by the time the difficulty ramps up you’ll probably be realising there’s not much in the way of variety. Skitchin‘ goes through the motions again and again, and while the same can be said for Road Rash, the gameplay loop of Road Rash is just that bit purer and more entertaining. Skitchin‘ complicates matters with its skitching mechanic, and arguably makes things more strategic than Road Rash, but the racing feels slower and the violence less impactful. Skitchin‘ is a fun distraction, but it doesn’t have the character or staying power of its older and more successful sibling.
Besides, motorbikes are way cooler than inline skates, right? If I tried to ride a motorbike in real life, though, I’d definitely break more than my coccyx.
Played via emulator (but I did play it on my Mega Drive back in the day).