Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown – Game Diary

I’ve never played a Prince of Persia game before! Not the old ones with the rotoscoped animation and the punishing gameplay, or the more recent ones with the parkour-based platforming and the multiple reboots. Having gotten into Metroidvanias in recent times, I decided that Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown might as well be my introduction to the venerable franchise, and picked it up physically on PS5 for the criminally cheap price it’s reaching nowadays. So join with me now as I head into the mysterious and dangerous labyrinths of Mount Qaf! I’m sure we’ll have a royally good time. 

Session 1 – 17th October

First off, amidst all the screen brightness settings and what have you, there was an option to turn navigation on or off. It seems that putting it on would point out different objectives and pick-ups on the map to help beginners. I chose to leave it off, I’m a seasoned pro at Metroidvanias now after all. I’ve played at least four.

The opening cutscene used static art, talks about Persia suffering through thirty years with no rain, and describes an attack by people called the Kushans. Things were bleak until the “seven immortals” arrived on the scene. These were the best warriors in the kingdom, and one of them is put under my control. It’s time to say hello to the super-handsome and ripped (and admittedly very cool) dual-wielding swordsman, Sargon. We negotiated an eerily lit battlefield, fought alongside our fellow Immortals at different points, and took out a general on his horse in a battle that kind of reminded me of the second boss in 2006 Ninja Gaiden, although nowhere near as difficult.

There was a bit of a celebration at the palace after this, but there’s an ill wind blowing (there’s literal talk of winds of destruction and other such bleak, windy concepts). We’re introduced to the Prince of Persia, a fellow named Ghassan that everyone pronounces Hassan. I may have played a Prince of Persia game now, but I still haven’t played as the titular royalty. Anyway, Sargon is given a sash by the Queen of Persia and then retires to the rooftop with his fellow immortals. They have a bit of banter to further introduce the Immortals but I failed to take down any of their names. There’s a big guy who wields an anchor of some kind, an archer guy who reminds me of Bard from the Hobbit films, an older fellow with a longsword and a mask on half his face, a heroic-seeming guy in a white cloak who appears to be in charge, a tall lady with a spear and long, red dreadlocks, and an even taller lady in a scary mask. She’s missing from the rooftop banter session, but she soon turns up to inform the group that the Prince has been kidnapped. I knew there was an ill wind blowing.

It soon became apparent that Sargon’s trainer, a lady called Anahita, took him, so Sargon is emotionally invested, and we fought some of her minions. I like the combat early on. It flows and feels flashy. A simple combo, dodge, and parry system with special moves similar to many games of this type. The graphics are cool, too. I like the 3D world even though the gameplay is on a strict 2D plane, and the character models are excellent and have a painterly feel. I like it!

One thing I did notice in this opening sequence though, is that even though Sargon seems to be built like a guy of at least average height, everyone seems to tower over him, from his fellow immortals to the palace guards. Only Bard the Bowman is of equal height. As a fellow of over six feet I cannot relate to this.

Anyway, the Immortals, Sargon, and I chased the Prince and his captors to a nearby mountain called Mount Qaf, which seems to have mystical properties, and Sargon’s companions deduced that Anahita might be trying to gain the throne by using the Prince’s royal blood to get through a mystical door or something. An old, abandoned city seems to be on the mountainside, and the area is littered with twisted corpses that are definitely going to come to life.

They came to life.

I’m struggling to figure out if the combat is easy or difficult at this point. Everything is very straightforward and the enemies give plenty of warning for their various attacks, but I’m still managing to get caught out. It doesn’t help that I’ve come off the back of recently playing Shinobi: Art of Vengeance, and am expecting Sargon to share Joe Musashi’s moves and agility. I don’t mind admitting that I let Sargon die a few times.

There’s also a mechanic where you can take screenshots of areas that you think you might need to come back to. I’m not sure how necessary it is – like I said, I’m clearly a Metroidvania pro now – but I’ll try it out.

We hit some strange crystals that caused a statue frozen in a broken, falling state to reform and let us reach new areas, and there definitely seems to be a time vacuum thing going on. There are undead people who claim to have been here for thirty years too but the team seems to think that they got there the day before, and there are some NPCs that seem to have been trapped for that long without realising how much time has passed. There were also hallways festooned with spiky traps which seems to very much call back to the classic Prince of Persia games, which I appreciated despite never having played them.

We met a child who seems to dwell in the mountain, and later found a lady in a placed called the Haven who can sell us amulets and things. There’s also a blacksmith deity in this area for upgrades, and one of the Immortals takes up residence in this same safe area and offers training. It’s the older guy with the half-mask. I forget his name. Speaking of which, people keep mentioning someone called Ardashir as if I’m supposed to know who that is but I must have missed it. I’m pretty sure they’re not any of the Immortals.

To finish off this session, Sargon and I found one of the save point trees that had a talking head in it that reminded me of Mimir from the modern God of War games, (and it was at this point that I decided I’m not too sold on the voice acting) and then we fought a giant, brutish boar. Beyond this Sargon found a deceased version of himself alongside Bard’s bow (I forget the bow guy’s real name, too, sorry. I’ll get them all before the end, okay?). This bow means that we can shoot an out-of-reach crystal and get back on the prince’s trail! I’ll do that next session, though. I’ve had enough prince hunting for now.

Session 2 – 17th October

I found some more time to play on the same day! But this session would be a short one.

Instead of going after Princey, Sargon and I decided to do some more exploring. The game seems to encourage exploring early on more than most Metroidvanias I’ve played, although maybe again I’m basing that on the very combat-focused Shinobi: Art of Vengeance, which has Metroidvania elements but probably couldn’t be classified as one.

During this exploration session I observed that I would often go to use the d-pad to move, but you can only move Sargon using the analogue stick, and down on the d-pad takes a screenshot for the map screen. I do quite like this screenshot mechanic now, as making use of it reduces needless backtracking if you’ve forgotten why you couldn’t get through an area and go back there with a new ability only to realise you still can’t get through. It also has limited uses to discourage screenshot spam, but I haven’t got anywhere near the limit yet.

We explored for a while and found mostly temporary dead ends, and were on our way to go after the Prince when I remembered the giant elevator in the middle of the map which opened up another huge area for us to explore, so we did that. I then also remembered a spooky sewer-like area in the depths of the map that the tall, masked lady told us not to bother with back along. We mooched around there for a while but the enemies were kind of tough and we never found a respawn point so we decided to come back later.

We set off after the Prince, and this new area led to a boss fight in a ruined arena with a big, scary chimera-type creature. We beat him first time and received a sparkly feather which enabled Sargon to air-dash just like Joe Musashi, and it uses the same button too! I was very happy with this as I’d been trying to do it all the time anyway. Doing the air-dash also makes a sound effect come out of the controller, a feature that Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown seems to make use of often.

Despite beating a scary monster there was still no sign of the missing Prince, so we went back to exploring with the new air dash and we finally unlocked fast travel, which is possible between strategically placed statues around the map.

After a while, Sargon finally spotted Anahita and the Prince off in the background, and we overheard Anahita telling her guards not to be too rough with him. Is she going to have honourable intentions? One of the Immortals (the leader fellow in the white cloak) showed up to help during the ensuing fight with Anahita’s (incredibly skinny and lanky) minions while Anahita and the Prince scurried off somewhere.

The next area after this was an enormous archive of knowledge inhabited with mad alchemists, and the boss stalks the area. He seems to be a blind fellow capable of one-hit kills and there are sections where Sargon must avoid his hearing radius or risk being smushed by the boss’ big, horrible stick. This reminded me of the E.M.M.I. areas in Metroid Dread. I decided to quit at this point, but not because I was scared, okay? The wife had come home from work and it was time to get some food. Priorities, you know.

Session 3 – 18th October

We decided to start this session by heading down into the Depths area again but we passed by the Haven on the way. The little girl’s name is Fariba and she sells maps and hints for time crystals. We’ve bought the maps when she’s offered them but have resisted hints so far. There was also a new door in the Haven that goes to a challenge room. Sargon and I tried the first one and it was a dangerous platformer section in the vein of Shinobi: Art of Vengeance’s Ankou Rifts, but I think more difficult. We decided to come back later. Maybe.

A similar decision was made in the Depths. We got further in but the enemies were still kind of a pain and we still couldn’t find a tree, so we headed back to the Archive area and tried to make some progress. We quickly found a fellow referred to as the “Moon Gatherer” and this kicked off another side quest. The game gives you the option to decline side quests but I don’t see any reason not to just accept anything, so that seems strange. This Moon Gatherer is another one who absolutely towers over Sargon, and this especially brought home the height discrepancy thing to me. What is going on here? Is Sargon some kind of pixie man?

Anyway, after some further exploration I accidentally let Sargon get caught by the big boss guy who stalks the Archive. He zapped us into a prison with his nasty stick, but it was very easy to escape. Exploring this area Sargon apparently got possessed by a horrible enemy with a long, tentacle tongue and was stuck on one health bar. I found myself wondering if a tree would cure this possession but Sargon got killed before we had the chance to find out.

Not long after this we came across another Sargon! This one was very much alive and said something about needing our power because we want the same thing, and we had to fight him! We beat him first time, though, and unlocked a new special move.

Continuing on we found another external area with quite the view. There was a gigantic, and I mean gigantic, wing in the background, apparently made of rock. Following this area took us to the very top of the elevator mentioned earlier on the other side of a trap door that couldn’t be opened from below. There was a stretch where Sargon had to fight off a flock of harpies and some of Anahita’s guards and we got killed here a lot. I really think I’m still suffering from the Shinobi muscle memory, as I tend to jump into battle with multiple enemies expecting to be able to outmanoeuvre them, hit and run, and get away scot free, but Sargon can’t do that, and we ended up surviving this stretch easily by moving forward more cautiously and taking on enemies one or two at a time. That’s the key I think.

There were some nasty new enemies in the next area and the way Sargon had to manoeuvre to get to them left him open to attack when he leapt to the platform they were on. We perished a couple of times and I decided that it was time to go to bed. It was getting late and I was tired of dying on a cursed mountain in ancient Persia.

Session 4 – 19th October

We started Session 4 by going back to Haven for some upgrades, and then started to progress towards the mountain top. We met a crazy looking old fellow who said some cryptic timey-wimey stuff, and then took in some pretty awesome and inspiring scenery before finally catching up to the Prince outside a big building that looked like a giant astrolabe type thing.

As Sargon and I went to confront Anahita, Vahram turned up and full on killed Prince Ghassan graveyard dead. What the heck? He’s the bad guy! We then had to fight Vahram and he beat us. I feel like I could have won this despite the fact that parries and special moves did nothing, but it would have been a grind and I have a feeling it would have ended up with the same cutscene anyway. Vahram got dark, time-based towers, revealed he wants to rule, beat up Sargon and threw him off the temple, then went about his business. Anahita managed to slip away thanks to Sargon’s heroics. It was all good stuff!

We then got a quick origin cutscene of Sargon meeting the Immortals, looking all frazzled and scrawny, with glowing blue eyes. He wanted to fight Vahram and, though he lost, Vahram welcomed him into the ranks of the Immortals. What’s going on there, then? I made a note here that the archer, who I’ve been calling Bard, is actually called Menolias. He still looks like Bard, though.

Anyway, down at the bottom of the pit Sargon was thrown into, he wakes up, and the weird old man is there. The old man took the artefact that enables us to use the map and stuff, so we had to give chase. We’re back in the Depths and we can’t back out this time. Also, the music here sometimes has a very unsettling scream in it.

A long chase through the Depths with no map to help us ensued, and we encountered a horrible spider man who sells stuff for the other type of currency we’ve been finding called Xerxes.

Eventually we followed the odd old fellow to a room with some time warping effects going on and another fight with another Sargon ensued. This is a Sargon who “chose a different path”, and we beat him the second try and got another special move. We also found another feather which gave Sargon a cloning type ability. I initially assumed that it would be used for “two-switches-at-once” type puzzles, but it actually leaves a crystalline echo of Sargon that he can then warp to, which definitely unlocks some interesting puzzle and combat potential.

While this feather was claimed there was a big, crystalline bird looking down at Sargon from the background, and I think it’s the same somewhat intimidating bird that’s spotted briefly in the game over screen. This is “the Simurgh”, the power behind Mount Qaf that approves new rulers.

The old man finally gave us our map back (although apparently he never took it, but I couldn’t bring up the map so he did something), and said that Ghassan can still be saved, probably using time stuff. Sargon and I have to go to a place called the Pit of Eternal Sands and confront some scary-sounding entity next, but there’s more exploring to be done first.

On the way out of the Depths (you can only fast travel from fast travel points, not from anywhere on the map) we ran into the red-dreaded warrior lady. Her name is Neith, and she asked Sargon if it’s true that he killed the Prince. We get a cutscene that shows Vahram telling the other Immortals that Sargon killed Ghassan and that he and Anahita got away, and he also tells them that he’s going to become ruler as the Queen has had her chance and the kingdom has suffered 30 years without rain and a Kushan invasion. I got all their names here. The scary mask lady is called Radjen, and she seems very keen on joining Vahram’s bid for the throne, as does Menolias. The big guy is called Orod, who also seems on board with Vahram, leaving only Neith who still wants Sargon to have his say. Lucky we ran into her first, then, because she believes Sargon and decides to stand against the other Immortals.

There’s also the Immortal who stayed at Haven, the half-mask older guy. His name is Artaban and he seems to be staying on-side with Sargon, too.

After these sweeping story developments me and Sargon explored the Depths a bit more and found an even darker and creepier location called the Catacombs. We turned back for the time being and headed back to the Haven for some upgrades before wondering into yet another new area back past the Archive where many of the enemies were invincible thanks to hard-to-reach mages giving off some kind of invincibility aura. The map just keeps expanding and expanding!

Feeling a little overwhelmed by all the new areas, Sargon and I headed back down to the Haven and upgraded our swords one more time before calling it a session. It was lunchtime, and the child and I were hungry.

Session 5 – 19th October

A late session this time. I’m very aware that my copy of Ninja Gaiden 4 will be arriving in the post in a couple of days and am wanting to get this game done. However, it’s gonna take as long as it takes. Sargon and I headed to the Catacombs, hoping to get the story moving as it looked like the nearest place to the Pit of Eternal Sands.

The Catacombs had a nice atmosphere, and by that I mean a dark, dreary, and unsettling atmosphere with spooky music, dark, scary holes everywhere, and gross matter stuck to the walls and floors with egg sack-like things scattered about. It’s so dark that a fiery eye creature had to accompany us to light the way.

We were somewhat surprised to be confronted by a giant enemy crab in this area! A bit of a “big-lipped alligator moment” as they say, but I liked the crab, he had metal armour around one of his claws and Sargon had to get rid of that before he could do much damage. We beat him first time and headed on to the Sunken Harbor, where we found the entrance to the Pit of Eternal Sands. We couldn’t get in yet, though, and the old man was there, saying cryptic shit to us. We headed back to Haven for some upgrades and then had an explore.

We explored the Sunken Harbor and found another new area called the Soma Tree, which has a tainted forest vibe and there were antagonistic Ents walking around. The save tree here looked all knackered and gross and there was a weird head that wouldn’t talk to us, but the tree still healed Sargon and saved the game so whatever.

Soon after this we found a random child, who we had actually seen in the background ages ago but I had forgot to mention. Sargon spoke to him and he gave his name as Varham. Interesting. Sargon was nice to him and he disappeared. Not long after this we found another boss fight, a scary tree lady mounted on a giant, winged wolf. This was a badass fight and was very cinematic. It was the toughest fight yet and took me three tries. Sargon slew the tree lady and the wolf was freed from her control. He thanked us and headed off into the woods to live in peace.

We found another feather next, and now Sargon can take enemies into a pocket dimension and then throw them. Normal enemies will temporarily fight on our side after they’ve been pocked planed, but explosive enemies and items will cause damage and smash through breakable walls. This mechanic was used immediately to get out of the local area, but how are we supposed to explode the breakable walls we’ve seen throughout the map without convenient nearby explosive spores?

Anyway, we explored a bit more before bedtime and found a few interesting bits and bobs, most importantly a fight against a pair of alternate Sargons. We beat them easily and got another special move, and it was time for bed. The safety of the Kingdom of Persia will have to wait, I need my beauty sleep!

Session 6 – 20th October

I decided to sit down to a morning session before I did today’s exercise routine, and did so with my free hot chocolate from the local Co-operative. Sargon and I felt a little aimless when we started off, but the old man’s cryptic clues seemed to imply that the abilities Sargon would need to get into the Pit of Eternal Sands could be found in the forest area and the Temple of Knowledge area past the Sacred Archive. We got the forest one already, so we headed to the archive.

We found a series of pretty cool puzzles here where you have to activate an artefact that creates multiple versions of Sargon in turn, and you have to use the first two to prepare the way so that the final Sargon can get to the goal. They were good brain-teasers. We got to the third and I couldn’t work it out and concluded that we must need another ability, but I’m not sure. We bashed our heads against it for a while and then decided to look elsewhere, but couldn’t see any other ways forward in the Temple of Knowledge.

We headed back to the Depths and found an undead version of the early boar boss. We smushed it easily but at first it seemed we only got a child’s toy collectible with a creepy nursery rhyme about locked up children written on it, but on the way back into the undead boar room we were confronted with a hooded “old woman” that turned out to be one of the spider creature things and we got an amulet out of it. An interesting little side occurrence.

I should also note here that there’s a side quest where you find pieces of a prophecy and gradually unlock a large relief sculpture on a wall, and the prophecies seem to be mentioning “two princes” a lot. Hmm, maybe I am playing as a “Prince of Persia” after all. We’ll see.

Anyway, we finally conquered the Depths and moved on to the Sunken Harbor. We found some treasures and leapt around some spiky traps and made our way to a Wak-Wak Tree we’d previously discovered. That’s what the save points are called, by the way, Wak-Wak Trees. Sorry I’d not provided that information so far.

Anyway, it was time to get my workout on. Soon I’ll be just as ripped as our Sargon! This is a lie. I will definitely never be that ripped.

Session 7 – 20th October

It’s a post-exercise session, and Ninja Gaiden 4 is officially in the post! Judging by how much of the map is left and how we keep finding new areas, I don’t think I’ll be finishing this before Ryu Hayabusa and friends jump through my letterbox.

Sargon and I continued our exploration of the Sunken Harbor and spent quite a long time mooching about. We ran into a mimic chest creature, which I did not expect, and then we bumped into Orod, the big guy Immortal with the anchor weapon. He believes Vahram’s story and wants a fight, but wants to do it out to sea. We followed him and found the area that made me want to buy this game when I watched someone playing it briefly on YouTube, a gigantic wave, frozen in time, with ships and sailors being thrown everywhere. It’s an absolutely spectacular scene, but we can’t seem to get any further so we’ll have to come back later.

We’ve done all we can in the Sunken Harbor for now, it seems, although we did discover that explosives can be carried through fast travel using that dimensional pocket ability. This means that distant broken walls will just need to be broken through with explosives carried from far away. Using this technique we got back to the very first area and found that it has since been inhabited by giant birds! We fought a few of those and got to the very beginning of the map but mysterious sorcery keeps us on the mountain. Imagine of Sargon could have just walked home.

We couldn’t really see much else to do so we headed back to the Archive area to try those puzzles again that I mentioned in the last session. You know, the ones where you have three versions of Sargon attempt an area in turn. I finally got through the puzzle I’d given up on before – it turns out you just need to be fucking quick. Like, really bastard quick. The next puzzle was clever but we figured it out, and the next thing we knew Sargon had found another feather and gained a dimensional shift ability that allows him to use or pass by interdimensional barriers. It’s not a double jump, and there seem to be so many inaccessible areas that Sargon would need a double jump to get to, but it’s still good, as we’ve run into loads of the mystical blue barriers, too.

After claiming this feather we finally got to take on the Jailer, the big guy who put us into jail with his horrible stick. This is a hectic fight with adds, and it took me a few tries. During the second wave one of the adds is one of the guys who can possess Sargon and reduce his maximum health drastically, and if he gets you it’s incredibly hard to emerge victorious. We got him in the end, though, and claimed his key to open all his jail doors. Between that and the dimension-shifting mechanic lots of stuff is opened up to us now.

We did a great deal of exploring after this, going all over the continuously expanding map and finding bits and bobs, until eventually going to unseal the entrance to the Pit of Eternal Sands. This place has been built up quite a bit and it is very cool, with some neat backgrounds, giant crystalline thorns, and giant sand waterfalls. It has a very Arabian Nights feel and I like it. I had only planned to have a quick look at this place, but Sargon and I ended up exploring it extensively. We found another Sargon and got his special move, and eventually reached the old man and a Wak-Wak Tree head person who were building up our next foe; a creature known as Azhdaha, who I’m predicting is going to be some kind of snake creature.

We’ll have to find out next time, though, as I ended up playing for ages and needed to get on with other stuff! See you next session.

Session 8 – 20th October

Yet another session, a late one this time, and it looks like we’ve got to unseal this Azhdaha’s lair before we can fight it. Upon going after the seals Sargon and I come across lots of crushing blocks that look a lot like snakes, so that’s lending credence to my “Azhdaha is a snake” theory. There are also giant centipedes around, too, so maybe it could be the centipede queen.

Nope, we got Azhdaha’s seals sorted and she’s definitely a snake! A very big cobra type snake with quite the piercing gaze. It was a pretty cool boss fight that we beat second time, and the big snake spoke to us afterwards. She gave us four special arrows and told us to activate four constellations. We work for the snake now? She showed us where the constellations were on the map and one was right next to us, two more were at high points on the map we haven’t explored yet, and one was miles to the East past the ocean area! How big is this game going to get? Azhdaha also gave us a feather, and her dialogue indicated she kind of just wants all this over with. The feather gave us the double jump. Finally, the fuckin’ double jump!

We met the old man again on our way out of Azhdaha’s lair, and he finally gave his name as Alkara, and then Sargon and I engaged in lots of double jump-enabled exploration. We decided to go after Orod and used the double jump to progress past the tidal wave area, and this led us through a spectacular ship battle frozen in time, with frozen lightning strikes and shattered, sinking ships and everything. It really is quite the spectacle, really awesome. Also, there’s jellyfish.

This path also seemed to be leading us to the aforementioned distant constellation too, but I had to call it a night as I was getting tired. Progress is being made, but I can’t see myself beating it before Ninja Gaiden 4 arrives.

Session 9 – 21st October

For this morning’s session Sargon and I decided to fast travel out of the crazy paused ship battle and do some more double jump exploration in other map areas, and even though I played for quite a while I never ended up going back to go for Orod, so this was one big exploration session.

We revealed more of the relief carving and there are mentions of three princes, and one of them having to die. I now think that Sargon and Vahram are also princes. Princes of Persia, one might say.

I did get a crash, actually, while saving at a Wak-Wak Tree, and lost about ten minutes of exploration progress. I’ve had a few inconsequential glitches, like Sargon floating for a second, floor textures flickering, particle effects staying around for longer than they should, and I possibly think explosions are a little glitchy as a few times I’ve felt like Sargon was thrown across the room after the explosion had cleared. This was my first actual crash though.

We did some more Archive exploration and encountered some really tough platforming and puzzle challenges. In fact, a couple of challenges at the top right of the map felt like such BS that I had to move on. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to 100% the game is it.

We further explored the Upper City after this and encountered Menolias, who was very upset with Sargon. These Immortals need to think for themselves. Towards the end of this exploration session we explored a secret area that’s partway up the main elevator (I got a trophy a while back for discovering it) and engaged in a marathon rotating spiky deathtrap encounter. Our reward was clothes – a lovely new lilac look for Sargon – and that was the end of the session.

Session 10 – 21st October

We headed back to the stormy seas for this session. Sargon beat up a time crystal and the ocean started moving again, making the scenery even more awe-inspiring. We met Orod out in the sea and he made a big show, but we beat him first time and it was pretty easy, despite Orod being a flashy fighter. He believed Sargon in the end and then disappeared into golden light. He was just walking around and chatting when he did so, though, so I’m not sure if he died.

The fight with Orod was next to the far-off constellation point that I’d previously mentioned, so we got that one activated. These constellations are also called “Celestial Guardians”, and there were two left, both in the Upper City. That was our next destination.

After plotting some more of the Upper City map we faced off against Menolias near the westernmost constellation point. This fight was way harder than Orod, as Menolias was really difficult to even get close to and had a nasty counter-attack move ready if you did catch up to him. I didn’t keep count, but I’d say it was the fifth or sixth try when we got him. This was the hardest fight yet by far. Just like Orod, he accepted Sargon’s innocence upon defeat, and then disappeared in golden lights. This came across like he died, though, and Sargon even commented on his death. Sad times! He looked like Bard until the end.

Defeating Menolias earned Sargon the ability to teleport to his chakram. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it, but the chakram is the secondary ability of the bow, so this should be a super-helpful ability.

Anyway, slaying two immortals was enough for one session. I might squeeze another session in later.

Session 11 – 21st October

A got another one in! During this session I was distracted by loud children and the fact that Ninja Gaiden 4 had arrived. I need to stick this one out before I let myself go on that one, though!

Anyway, Sargon and I headed for the last constellation and came face to face with a fairly elaborate puzzle where you have to use the pocket dimension thing on these pink crystals to activate things and then align a big turning multi-wheel thing. We got past this and met up with Anahita. I’d almost forgotten about her! She said she kidnapped the Prince on the Queen’s orders, and offered to help Sargon but Sargon can’t trust her. There’s no immortal fight before this constellation, just the puzzle and the brief meeting with Anahita. After activating the final constellation the quest log told us to go to the Altar of Constellations so that’s what we did. It’s a place we’ve passed through before.

After activating the altar, Sargon went back in time to when Vahram killed Prince Ghassan and stopped the heinous crime! Anahita got killed instead and past Sargon was confused, but there was no time to explain because it’s a Vahram fight! This is a cool fight as past Sargon helps early on, and Vahram has loads of cool time powers. Got him on the second try.

A cutscene ensued explaining that Vahram is King Darius’ son and the rightful heir, and that Darius was killed by the current Queen. She’s the usurper! That’s why the Simurgh has gone and Persia has had 30 years of drought. However, Vahram has taken things way too far, so he’s still a bad guy too. It’s not over, as he’s still at large and wants all the power. Anahita drifts away in golden light and the two Sargons merge and Sargon gets the grapple ability using his sash (that the Queen gave him). Prince Ghassan is just stood there all like “what just happened?” He says we need to go to the Tower of Silence next to get a key. We’ve been there before. It’s very chilly.

We explored with the new grapple sash ability and found the architect of all these traps and crazy halls. She gave us a quest to complete all of her puzzles around the map but I’ve only done around half of them. For a long time I thought they were something I’d need to come back to but then I worked out a couple of them and realised I could have solved them as I got to them. I can’t remember where they all are though and there are some I can’t figure out. She won’t let me inside her workshop unless I solve all her puzzles. Oh well.

Next we went to the Haven and the shaman woman there had a new item to sell. It was an item that allows Sargon to fast travel between Wak-Wak Trees! This is huge! The previous fast travel statues were few and far between but the Wak-Wak Trees are somewhat plentiful. Getting around is now so much easier.

We found a lighthouse beyond the forest area which had a long and difficult grapple-jumping section to get to it and Sargon fell off (it was my fault). Instead of losing health and respawning, though, he fell down to a brand new area in the ocean section with a giant warship suspended in mid-air!

We also found a hermit somewhere who challenged us to complete an “impossible climb”. I tried it a few times and, well, I can’t disprove its title yet. That was enough for this session. I’ll definitely finish this before I play Ninja Gaiden 4, though. I’ve got to be near the end, right?

Session 12 – 21st October

This was a very late, post Dungeons & Dragons session, but I felt pretty awake so felt like I could make some decent progress. We started by attempting that “impossible climb” again but gave up after a few tries as we wanted to get moving, so we headed off to the Tower of Silence, which was appropriate considering at the time my right ear was playing up and I couldn’t hear anything through it.

This place had lots of sharp ice crystals and spikes and grapple platforming. We finished a side quest here to face all of Ardashir’s lost warriors and fast travelled out to face time-crazed Ardashir himself. He was a pretty easy fight but at least I vaguely remember him from early in the game now. It seems he was the Queen’s general.

Back to the Tower of Silence and we found Farina and bought her map of the place. It’s huge but currently we had to focus on opening a door by sounding three goings. However, we were distracted once again as we finished another side quest, the prophecy one. The finished prophecy was kind of ominous and the carving showed Vahram with four angel wings. Final boss preview, maybe?

Back to the Tower of Silence again and we found Vahram at the top with the remains of his father, the great King Darius, who we’ve heard so much about in the lore collectibles. Vahram was talking about ascension and stuff, and then he disappeared and his father rose from the grave. Undead king boss fight? Undead king boss fight. It was a cool fight, the late King Darius was very big and had a very big sword. We killed him third try, but the second try was a bust because I was distracted by taking notes for this diary. We got a key for his palace for defeating him, and headed back towards Upper City. Neith was waiting for us. I’d almost forgotten about her! She was worried about Sargon being corrupted by the Simurgh’s powers.

We decided not to go into the palace tonight but we did decide to go for a quick climb. An “impossible climb” some might say. Well, we proved it wrong and succeeded in getting all three magical bells, and all we got was a lousy bit of metal and some background lore about a baby being swapped. At this point it was about one in the morning, so it was time to stop. With a bit of luck I’ll finish the game in the morning and be able to make a start on Ninja Gaiden 4 in the afternoon.

Session 13 – 22nd October

Unlucky Session 13 starts off with some map clean-up. There was one Xerxes coin that Sargon and I were having massive trouble with in the very top corner of the Temple of Knowledge map. It’s in a tiny square area surrounded by spikes with these blocks that fly in from the foreground, and you have to activate these blocks and stand on them without them crushing you, and it can fuck right off.

I watched a video of someone doing it online and it seemed that I was overcomplicating the block summoning with teleportation when I didn’t need to and it was more about timing double jumps. With this information in mind I managed it after another few goes. That left what I thought were two more architect puzzles. I decided to look them up, too.

The one in the Pit of Eternal Sands, well I’m glad I looked it up. It had two crushing blocks and two statues looking over it. I’d messed around previously and thought that maybe I needed to grab an enemy in the pocket dimension thing and sacrifice them with the blocks and it didn’t work. It turns out that you needed to sacrifice a specific statue enemy from the Upper City, which I think was a bit of a stretch to figure out on your own. I mean, sure there are statues watching over the crushing area, but still.

The other architect puzzle I thought I hadn’t completed was the Sunken Harbor noughts and crosses one but it turns out I had. I had no recollection of this until looking it up and remembered you had to use the chakram to finish the row of noughts, and the chest that appeared was a mimic and everything.

With all the architect puzzles done Sargon and I went back to the architect and solved one more neat little puzzle using the map emblems and got inside the workshop! There were a load of lore items and the last health boosting item. I congratulated myself heartily. Well done me.

All that was left at this point other than the final confrontation were a few bits of lore and the platforming and combat challenges in the Haven. We tried one of the challenges once more and I decided we should go and fight a god-powered immortal warrior prince. It would probably be easier.

There were a few more rooms and battles to negotiate beyond the palace doors, and then Sargon finally reached Vahram. He was after the heart of the Simurgh, and he asked Sargon to join him once more. Sargon refused and Vahram merged with the heart and buggered off into time and space. Sargon despaired, but the Simurgh itself spoke to him and told him to accept all his alternate selves as a part of the whole. Sargon still wanted to save Vahram and that gave him strength.

We negotiate one more simple platforming section in a big space/time vortex thing and then it was time to meet with Vahram, god power Tron lines and four angel wings and all. A truly epic fight ensued, and Sargon and I got to his third phase on the first try. The second phase added a giant sword to the mix and the third added a self-cloning ability for big V.

The fourth phase was awesome, as Vahram went super-powered but so did Sargon, enhanced by the Simurgh itself. Once on equal footing, Sargon managed to finish Vahram off. Vahram came to his senses and sacrificed himself to return the Simurgh’s heart, and the game had been completed.

The ending showed Sargon returning with Prince Ghassan. They both left, but not before Sargon exposed the Queen’s murder of King Darius to her people. Then Sargon sat alone by the water and a bird flew down next to him. The reflection revealed that it was the old man, Alkara, before he flew off again. Sargon also mentioned that Orod, Menolias, Radjen, and Varham all died, but I didn’t see Radjen at all aside from a couple of brief early encounters. What’s going on there then? Post-game content? 

The post-credits stinger showed that Neith and Artaban had brought the child version of Vahram back from Mount Qaf and promised to raise him well and look after him, and then Sargon rode off. So he wasn’t a prince? Were the three princes in the prophecy Ghassan, Vahram, and young Vahram? Who was the switched baby? Have I played as a Prince of Persia or not?

Anyway, this game was great and I’d recommend it to anyone. Bastard hard at times, but mostly in optional sections. In a way, I’d say it’s the opposite of Metroid Dread, in that the really tough bits in that were the bosses, whereas the boss fights in Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown are like days off compared to some of the platforming. The only boss I had any real trouble with was Menolias.

Anyway, like I said, this was a fantastic game, and was a great introduction to the Prince of Persia series for me. Am I going to play any more? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t like this one.

Mario Kart World – Four Months Later

Keep on Karting

If you read my previous article about Mario Kart World (written on the day of release, I believe), you might remember that I said my favourite thing to do was drive across water. I’ve since changed this opinion. Don’t get me wrong, tricking off the crest of dynamic waves caused by exploding blue shells and bob-ombs is good, chaotic fun, but the long stretches of calm water actually tend to be the low-points of your average intermission.

Right, now that I’ve retconned that outrageous take, let’s talk about how Mario Kart World is holding up four months after release to a casual player like me. I’ve seen loads of analysis online, but YouTube suggests the popular analysis and the popular analysis is made by competitive, online players. I play Mario Kart World with my daughter, I can barely remember where all the whacky rail shortcuts are supposed to be let alone hit them with anything remotely resembling consistency, and I don’t need to be constantly challenged and faced with split second decisions at all times to stay entertained. Sometimes I just want to look at a nice sunset and listen to some cool music while I strategically place banana peels on the tarmac.

Well, Mario Kart World has plenty of dazzling vistas and an awesome soundtrack to go along with them. Many of the tunes have made it onto my list of regularly played video game music pieces on YouTube, and I often find myself whistling the themes to Faraway Oasis or Cheep Cheep Falls while at work, much to the chagrin of my new manager who apparently doesn’t like whistling. Maybe she just doesn’t like my whistling. Sucks to be her, I guess.

I only played as King Boo for a bit of screenshot variety.

The actual racing gameplay of Mario Kart World is best in class, too. All of the courses are awesome, with very few tracks that come across as weak or forgettable, and this latest iteration of Rainbow Road is absolutely stunning. I was quite moved on my first play-through, dazzled by the gorgeous visuals, glorious music, and beautiful set-pieces. What an experience.

I also don’t mind the intermissions, and I guess this is where my casual nature – and my lack of interest in playing online – comes in. It’s nice to just blast through some open lanes, chucking shells at my fellow road-users and taking in the sights. Sure, I don’t always want to play them, but it’s easy enough to do a series of full courses while offline, so I really don’t see them as an issue. So far, so good, right? Right. Well, I do have some concerns, and they’re mostly to do with the open world.

I’ve always had a thing with driving games where I imagine longingly what it would be like to break free from the track and drive wherever I wish. I’m sure I’m not alone in that feeling. Whether its being fascinated by those pixelated mountains on unattainable horizons in Lotus Turbo Challenge, being compelled to veer off the track and direct my Lancia Delta into the Finnish forests in Colin McRae Rally ’04, or indeed wondering what’s beyond those colourful, ocularly endowed hills in earlier Mario Kart games. However, when I do play games that actually allow you to do this, I tend to fall off of them pretty quickly, the Forza Horizon series being an appropriate example. I guess the realised worlds, no matter how gorgeous and expansive, can never live up to our imaginations.

Look! A P that’s still blue!

I thought that Mario Kart World might be the exception – this is a big budget game made by one of Nintendo’s top level teams, after all – but it’s actually kind of empty. There’s stuff to do, like the missions and the blocks and the Peach coins, but there’s also a heck of a lot of nothing, and the missions, blocks, and coins only unlock stickers anyway. The stickers are wonderfully designed, but all you can do is look at them (and choose one for your little emblem, I think?). It’s been said many times, but it would have made way more sense if the outfits and characters were locked behind these open world aspects. The way you unlock both seems crazy to me. Why are outfits locked behind food? Why are characters locked behind the barely-seen Kamek item? Both mechanics just feel esoteric and unfinished.

Mario Kart World’s open world is beautiful, and I do enjoy driving around, finding missions, listening to the music and taking in the scenery with Daisy, the best princess of all, but it’s also a facade. There’s not really anything going on, the toads, yoshis, and shyguys wave and get in and out of their cars, but they’re not really doing anything, there are no real secrets to find, very little in the way of Easter eggs or cool hard-to-reach areas (I don’t count Daisy’s palace because it’s, well, right there), and no one to interact with outside of the occasional Chargin’ Chuck who you’ve got to hit with a green shell. No secret Blooper cave, no mysterious, caged Thwomp that the internet can theorize over, no out-of-the-way corner where a strange, creepy sound plays for no apparent reason. It’s just a bit bland, and I wanted more.

It helps if you think of it as more of a theme park than an actual functioning, populated landmass, but that still doesn’t make up for the general emptiness. Still, they’ve just added an update with a few more UFOs around the place, and they’ve apparently addressed that thing that people are upset about online with the intermissions. There’s no telling what future DLC might bring, so I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out as the game inevitably grows, and in the meantime, playing the cups and the knockout tours with my daughter is always going to be great for an hour of fun. Still, my dreams of exploring a vast, beautiful and interesting Nintendo-fied world and immersing myself in the bright colours as a form of beautiful escapism during these trying times have not come to pass.

The music often adds to the theme park vibe.

It’s still the only proper Switch 2 game I own. I’ve got Metroid Prime 4: Beyond preordered, and will hopefully be getting Yooka-Re-Playee because it looks great and is getting a proper physical release, but I’d like to have a few more excuses to turn my new Nintendo on other than using it to play Switch games. I’m a little worried that my Switch 2 collection won’t grow to epic proportions, as I refuse to buy key cards and the grand majority of third parties seem to be going with them even when they’re releasing their games physically on other consoles. That’s another rant, though, that I don’t want to get into right now. Let’s try to stay focused on the matter at hand. Mario Kart World; it’s bloody great in some ways and somewhat disappointing in others. I should’ve just said that at the start and saved everyone some time.

Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound vs. Shinobi: Art of Vengeance

Battle of the Ninja

Sometime in the last couple of years, the planets aligned on the same night that a full moon cast an eerie light over the bamboo forests at the base of Mount Fuji, and two separate studios came up with the idea of resurrecting a classic 2D ninja franchise for modern consoles at the same time. Lizardcube dragged Joe Musashi out of the shadows with the Sega-published Shinobi: Art of Vengeance, and The Game Kitchen shone a spotlight on Ryu Hayabusa, creating the Koei Tecmo and Dotemu-published Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound. Well, kind of. Ryu Hayabusa is in the game, but he’s not playable.

Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound came out first, but Shinobi: Art of Vengeance was the first one to get a physical release, so it was the first one I played. I was going to buy them both on Switch, but the boxed release of Shinobi was a code-in-a-box, which I soundly rejected as everyone should, so I got that one on PS5. Still, I played Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound docked on my Switch 2, and didn’t notice any particular performance issues in either game, so I think it’s still a fair fight. As such, it’s time for me to figure out which 2D ninja action game is the best, and I do this as a fan of both franchises who is old enough to have played both back when they were first released. No ninja favouritism from me!

I’m going to use the most coveted and respected review setup of all, that being the method adopted by premier 90’s periodical, Mean Machines Sega. As such, we’ll be judging each title on the following aspects; Presentation, Graphics, Sound, Playability, Lastability, and Overall. Make sense? No, not to me either, but we’ll get into that shortly, so get your tabi on and bring your kunai, it’s time to take to the shadows.

Presentation

So, what’s the difference between presentation and graphics/sound, then? I guess I’m just not on the level of those fabled Mean Machines Sega writers of old, because I don’t really get it. I’ll tell you what, I’ll use this section to talk about each title’s story setup instead. That’s kind of like presentation.

Shinobi: Art of Vengeance’s story is pretty basic, with a fairly unremarkable bad guy who is leading an enormous and incredibly well-equipped army of soldiers, creatures, and demons on a steamroller journey of world domination. The bad guy, known as Lord Ruse, has somehow cheated Death (yes, the Death) out of his scythe, and so wields incredible power. Ruse’s forces hit Musashi’s village early on and burn the whole place to the ground, murdering everyone except Joe and Joe’s pregnant wife. Mr. Musashi is obviously fairly pissed, and goes on his own rampage with vengeance on his mind.

Being able to play as a ninja of the Black Spider Clan is pretty cool for Ninja Gaiden fans.

Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound has an interesting story hook in which main character, Kenji of the Hayabusa Clan, ends up becoming a vessel for the soul of Kumori, an equally skilled kunoichi aligned with the shady Black Spider Clan. The two must work together to defeat the minions of a powerful fiend who plans to open the veil into the human world and wreak havoc. The bad guys feel less important than those of Shinobi: The Art of Vengeance, but the relationship between Kenji and Kumori is actually pretty fun to see develop, and the game’s finale wraps up their story in a surprising way, so I think this one takes it.

Winner: Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound

Graphics

Shinobi: Art of Vengeance goes for that playing-a-comic art-style that Lizardcube had previously used for Streets of Rage 4. It looked great for that game, and it looks great here, and most of the enemy designs are very memorable (I especially like the big guys with the electric gauntlet weapons).

The symbol over this unfortunate fellow’s head means that he’s ready to be executed. Finish him off, Joe!

The backgrounds can be spectacular, with highlights including the sparkling lantern festival, the gorgeous fields that the game starts in, and the rooftops of the night-time city stage. Where Shinobi: Art of Vengeance really excels though is in its animation. Joe’s movements are incredibly fluid and the battles look spectacular, and this helps you feel super cool and badass when you pull off spectacular moves while managing to avoid damage.

Do the visuals lose some personality and authenticity with the move away from pixel art, though? Possibly, and occasionally it feels like the backgrounds lack detail, but it’s a superb-looking game overall nonetheless.

Both games feature a really cool-looking bamboo forest early on.

Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound has more of a retro feel, opting for the familiar pixel art style. This looks great, although perhaps not as striking as Shinobi. Some of the backgrounds look awesome, especially the early-game bamboo forest and the areas in and around Mount Fuji. However, there were locations that I thought were a little bland with uninteresting colour palettes, especially the stage that’s a big construction area. I also found that Keni’s arms looked cartoonishly huge when he was holding onto the ceiling or hanging off a helicopter. Both he and Kumori’s sprites are gorgeous, though.

Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound gives players the option to turn off the gore, but honestly it’s pretty cartoony anyway.

Interestingly, both games have a couple of levels and a sub-section of enemies based around body horror themes, and both of them kind of fall flat when it comes to making it, well, gross enough. You know, that sort of stuff should send shivers down your spine, leave you morbidly fascinated and unable to look away despite the soul-clenching nature of what you’re seeing. For an example, look at Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master and its Hydra boss fight, as well as the stage that proceeds it. Shinobi: Art of Vengeance’s gribblies look too clean and sleek thanks to the art style. Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound’s pixel art style gives the twisted horrors a bit more of a visceral nature, but they still look a bit too cartoony to be effective, even the monstrosity fought at the end of the train stage. Disappointing.

Honestly, there were times during Shinobi: Art of Vengeance where I found myself wishing it went for a pixel art style (especially in the underground laboratory level), but I think that it looks better overall. Both games look great, but Shinobi: Art of Vengeance has that extra edge. Lizarcube are winning this one, but it’s darned close.

Winner: Shinobi: Art of Vengeance

Sound

While both games sound good, and both games have great, appropriately action-packed soundtracks, only Shinobi: Art of Vengeance had any pieces that I remembered after I’d finished the game. They were the track that plays during the “Ankou Rift” sections, and the battle music from the Lantern Festival stage, if anyone is interested.

Winner: Shinobi: Art of Vengeance

Playability

Here we go, the meat and potatoes of any ninja game, or should that be the rice and tofu? Let’s get one thing cleared up straight away; Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound is harder. I beat most bosses in Shinobi: Art of Vengeance on my second try, and didn’t have any real trouble until the very last showdown with Lord Ruse himself. The first boss in Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound (a giant fire bat monster demon guy) took me numerous retries, and things only got more challenging. It never felt insurmountable, though, and I persevered and finished the game in the end. Incidentally, Shadow of the Ninja – Reborn (click here for my review), is harder than either of these games.

This floating boss might not look like much, but is an absolute bitch.

Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound is a decidedly old-school action platformer that plays like an updated version of the classic Ninja Gaiden games, and it’s definitely closer to its inspiration than Shinobi. Kenji can do two quick slashes with his sword, and can fling projectiles thanks to Kumori’s assistance. The pair have access to a few equippable special weapons and abilities, and can leap from enemies, projectiles, and certain pick-ups using a mid-air attack, which becomes very important for traversal and combat as the game progresses.

Most enemies fall in one hit, but others are much tougher and require Kenji to get up close and slash away, putting himself at risk of some health bar-sapping counter-attacks. However, there’s a nifty mechanic that can help to make these big boys and girls less of a pain. Certain enemies will have visible auras, and depending on whether you defeat them with the right kind of attack, Kenji can sap this aura, super-powering his next strike, which will make short work of the tougher enemies if you play it right. This mechanic also comes up during every boss fight, and it can feel pretty good when you take out a group of tough enemies or stun a boss thanks to smart use of the available auras.

Shinobi: Art of Vengeance feels much more modern and further away from the Shinobi games of old, with Joe Musashi gaining directional attacks, upgradeable combos, and a satisfying execution move. There’s a similar system of equippable items that have in-game effects, but I felt more compelled to experiment with different loadouts in Musashi’s outing. Art of Vengeance will also have players going back to earlier stages once new abilities have been unlocked in order to get to new areas, and as such it has a bit of a Metroidvania flavour. I’m a fan of the ways Lizardcube have expanded on the traditional gameplay, and it still feels like a Shinobi game despite these changes.

Moving platforms over electrified water with rotating flamethrower turrets. Good luck!

Shinobi: Art of Vengeance also has some devious platforming sections. I didn’t find the Ankou Rifts too bad (optional areas that provide combat or platforming challenges that provide Joe with a stronger weapon if you beat them all) but there were occasional optional areas in the main levels that slipped from challenging to aggravating. The most egregious example of this was a platforming section known as the “secret bunker” in the battlefield stage late in the game. That place was a nightmare, and was the only time I felt like the controls were working against me, but I beat it.

Both games have some really cool set-pieces, including levels based on moving trains, and “mounted” stages, with Shinobi having a mechanised surfboard interlude as well as another one that’s a slight spoiler, and Ninja Gaiden having a couple of sections on a scrambler bike belonging to Kumori. One later stage in Ninja Gaiden has Kenji leaping from vehicle to vehicle in a military convoy, which was a nice bit of spectacle.

You wouldn’t believe how unnaturally talented Kumori is in the saddle.

Lastly, I encountered glitches in both games. Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound had Kumori riding her motorcycle backwards after a collision in one of the on-wheels stages, which was a little confusing and immersion-breaking but didn’t hurt in the long run, but there was one instance of a section of a level starting with Kenji falling through the floor and dying, even when I restarted from the last checkpoint. I had to quit the game completely and restart the level from the beginning to get past it, which was annoying.

Shinobi: The Art of Vengeance hit me with a recurring glitch where the map screen wouldn’t correctly identify where Joe was in the stage, which actually proved to be a major setback when I was searching for the last few collectibles in a stage. Also annoying.

Both games are incredibly smooth and satisfying to play, though, and are challenging in such a way that rarely falls into frustration. However, due to the sheer spectacle and “cool” factor of Shinobi’s combat, I have to hand it to Joe.

Winner: Shinobi: Art of Vengeance

Lastability

Well, the campaign in Shinobi: Art of Vengeance is a lot longer. With the expansive, Metroidvania-lite levels and the backtracking Joe Musashi’s adventure will last you a fair bit longer if you’re the type to play through a campaign once and then move on. When the campaign is completed an arcade mode is unlocked where the goal is to finish each stage in a good time while locating all the collectibles and taking as little damage as possible (as well as finishing the boss off using the awesome execution mechanic). Attaining S rank is pretty challenging, and then when you add in the Ankou Rifts, an unlockable boss rush mode, and the optional secret boss, there’s plenty there for completionists to get on with.

Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound is a more focused experience, with the ranking mechanic applied from the beginning of the game. In my experience it was slightly easier to attain an S rank in Ninja Gaiden (depending on whether one of the stage’s challenges involved beating the boss without damage or something crazy like that), but I didn’t especially try for the S ranks in either game so I can’t speak with too much authority on it. Once the campaign is completed a hard mode is unlocked, and there are also secret ops missions which are challenging optional stages in the vein of Shinobi’s Ankou Rifts.

When it comes to sheer content, though, I’ve got to give this one to Mr. Musashi again.

Winner: Shinobi: Art of Vengeance

Overall

Well, it’s looking like a bit of a Shinobi whitewash at the moment, but that’s really not the case. Every single category was very close, especially the all-important playability category, and the relationship between Kenji and Kumori in Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound did add a lot of personality to win me over. Of course, Joe Musashi is a legend, and Kenji and Kumori are mere newcomers, but I really enjoyed their interactions and this iteration of Joe comes across as more of a personification of vengeance who says literally one word over the course of the entire game. That does give him a badass edge, though.

It’s just as cool as it was in 1993.

Like I said early on, both franchises mean a lot to me. I played and loved the Shinobi games as a kid on the Master System and Mega Drive, but I didn’t play any Ninja Gaiden games until the 2004 reboot and only played the classic games in retrospect. However, whereas I view the Shinobi games as great titles, 2004’s Ninja Gaiden is one of my favourite games of all time, so there’s no real favouritism here. Just based on how I feel about both games, though, I don’t think I can wrangle a plot twist and name Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound as the overall winner despite Shinobi taking most of the categories. It’s great, but Shinobi: Art of Vengeance just has that edge, a more palpable “cool” factor, and the combat is so darned satisfying.

Winner: Shinobi: Art of Vengeance

Really, though, both games are winners, and I’m just grateful to have had the opportunity to play two brand new 2D ninja action games here in 2025. Which ever game you choose to play you’re in for a fun and challenging time that has plenty of spectacular content to offer, and if you’ve got a few extra pennies, you could always double up. Support your local ninja in these trying times. Buy both!

Alien: Isolation

Is This a Rescue Mission, or Another Bug Hunt?

One of the last scripts I wrote for the sadly-defunct TripleJump YouTube channel was a giant list ranking every single Alien and/or Predator video game ever made. Unfortunately, the channel went under before the video was released, but here’s a peek behind the curtain for you; Sega’s 2014 survival horror hit, Alien: Isolation, was at number one. However, despite heavily featuring the perfect organism in a starring role, Alien: Isolation isn’t a perfect game, but it is probably the closest a video game has come to perfectly capturing the atmosphere of the movie franchise upon which it’s based, Alien or otherwise.

This is Amanda Ripley. Her family line has pretty appalling luck when it comes to run-ins with predatory space bugs.

Creatively assembled by British studio, Creative Assembly, who are most well known for the Total War series and its combination of real-time battles and grand strategy, Alien: Isolation took the developers into unfamiliar territory. With very little experience in the survival horror genre, Creative Assembly made a host of outside hires, and soon enough a 100-strong team were orchestrating visceral encounters and crafting ’70s-style retro tech.

The crew were reportedly handed around three terabytes of production material from 20th Century Fox, and through deconstructing this “gold mine” of information, they were able to build a startlingly authentic world that specifically recalled the atmosphere of Ridley Scott’s 1979 original. Stellar lighting and graphical effects, flawless sound design, and a talented cast of voice actors all combined with this vision to create one of the most atmospheric and genuine movie-to-game experiences ever seen.

For a game released in 2014, Alien: Isolation’s environments can look pretty insane. The character models are showing their age a bit though.

It’s pretty scary, too. For most of the game, the player character (Amanda Ripley, daughter of the legendary Ellen Ripley) is completely defenceless against the overwhelming speed, power, and bitey bits of the towering xenomorph, and will have to sneak around quietly, hiding in every available nook, cranny, or orifice in order to avoid a swift and gory demise. They even made it so that the alien can hear sounds that come through your mic, breaking the fourth wall in an unsettling manner and making it so that the hoot of an errant owl in your living room can spell death for poor old Amanda. I told you to keep that window shut.

As I already mentioned, though, this is not a perfect game. Progression can fall into a trial and error process at times, and clever players can work out the xenomorph’s AI, thus being able to manipulate the initially panic-inducing monstrosity into easily-avoidable loops. On the other end of that scale, less proficient players might find themselves constantly harassed by the chitinous terror’s perpetual presence, with observers noting that the xenomorph’s AI tends to be a little too adept at homing in on Miss Ripley even when it should logically be at the other end of the station, violently breaking and entering the cranium of some other defenceless schlub.

Can I tell you a secret? I haven’t finished this game. It’s just too long.

It’s at times like this when Alien: Isolation’s cloying horror can teeter on the verge of aggravation and annoyance, and players might find themselves desensitised to Amanda’s torso getting brutally severed by the xenomorph’s spiky tail after the fourteenth time in a row while fear turns to frustration and frustration turns to controller-throwing rage. All of this, along with long stretches of dealing with the less-interesting android enemies, means that Sega’s most beloved Alien adaptation can outstay its welcome a bit.

During its high points, though, Alien: Isolation is excellent – a stunning interpretation of the first film’s timeless atmosphere and an almost unbearably tense and trouser-ruining experience throughout. As the game celebrated its ten-year anniversary in October 2024, Creative Assembly employee and Alien: Isolation creative director, Al Hope, confirmed that the team are working on a follow-up, and if they iron out the annoyances that made Alien: Isolation fall just short of all-time great status, this follow-up has a chance to be the best sequel since Aliens.

The Seegson androids have more in common with Ash than Bishop. That’s a bad thing.

This article was written for the now-defunct Sega Force Mega as part of a planned Halloween special featuring lots of Sega-published Halloween-appropriate games, alongside The Ooze and Devilish. This is the last unpublished article I’d written for that magazine. I updated the intro to reflect the fact that TripleJump are also now defunct. 

Clair Obscur: Expedition 33

Une Lettre d’Amour Aux JRPG

When you start a new game on Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, you’re asked to select a difficulty setting. The game tells you that in order to get by in normal difficulty (known as “expedition” mode) you won’t need to master the dodging and parrying mechanics. This is a lie. Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, developed by debuting French studio, Sandfall Interactive, is a tough game. It’s a turn-based RPG but it incorporates real-time mechanics in the vein of Paper Mario or Lost Odyssey, where timed button presses will enhance your attacks or reduce incoming damage. Except, it doesn’t feel like either of those games, it feels more like Dark Souls in turn-based form as statuesque, imposing and grotesque enemies consistently make an absolute mockery of your character’s health bar if you don’t have the reflexes of a mantis shrimp.

Alright, I might be overselling it a little bit, but every new area in Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 has the potential to be an absolute nightmare until you get certain timings and attacks memorised. To be fair, all of this works well thematically, as your party of intrepid explorers are in a somewhat dire situation in the game’s story, and the desperation that can often be felt as you scrape through dangerous encounters on an absolute knife edge really fits the bill. You do get the hang of it, though, and when you do, it feels pretty darned good. Until the next batch of combo-happy menaces comes along and you have to start the learning process all over again, that is.

During battles, you can aim freely and shoot a ranged attack. It doesn’t usually do much damage, but definitely has its uses against certain bad guys. There’s so much to battling that I haven’t mentioned in this article, but let’s just say that it’s complex in an awesome way.

I’ll talk briefly about the story, but it’s one of those games where to do much more than scratch the surface constitutes outrageous spoilers. You take on the role of the loveable and handsome Gustave, who is a bit of a savant when it comes to magic, technology, and combat. He’s part of Expedition 33, along with two other early companions, Lune and Maelle, and they’re off on an extremely dangerous and basically suicidal quest to eliminate an entity known as the Paintress. This artistic antagonist lives across the sea, and paints a number every year on a gigantic monolith visible from pretty much everywhere in the known world. Everyone of that age will disappear in a sprinkle of ash and petals once that number is erased, and every year, the number goes down by one.

As you can imagine, this is a pretty sorry state of affairs, and each year life in Gustave’s home-town of Lumiére gets more and more desperate. Don’t worry, though; the player is in charge of this expedition, so that means it’s sure to succeed, right? Well, let’s just say there are some complications and leave it at that.

Excellent cinematography, voice acting, and digital acting all combine to make for compelling cut-scenes. It’s just as well, because the story is multi-layered and winding, and as such the cut-scenes have a lot of work to do.

As discussed by its developers, Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 is a tribute to traditional, Japanese RPGs given a modern, big-budget Western RPG makeover. The battles are turn-based, there’s a world map to traverse and a method of transport that can be gradually upgraded to be able to travel in new ways, and there are plenty of weapons to equip and skill trees to explore. Among the games cited as influences by Guillaume Broche, the talented, ex-Ubisoft creator behind Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, are Persona 5, Final Fantasy VIII, IX, and X, and Lost Odyssey and Blue Dragon, but he has also pointed out that the parry and dodge mechanics were influenced by Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. Honestly, the FromSoftware influence stands out to me more than that of the traditional JRPG thanks to its difficulty, mechanics, and visual design, but maybe that’s just because the traditional JRPG format is so familiar to me.

Of the list of Broche’s influences, I’ve only played Lost Odyssey to completion, but Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 did remind me of a couple of other games that I finished more recently. Firstly, it evoked a lot of the same feelings as Xenoblade Chronicles 3. Both are a melancholy tale about an adventuring group of young people trying to escape a mysterious cycle caused by outside influences that has condemned them to live tragically short lives. I see a lot of similarities in the world design as well, and the music of one could easily fit seamlessly into the other.

The decorative blob in the water is the character that carries you around the world map. You’ll probably like him, he’s called Esquie. A character named Monoco is super-cool, too, but I can’t say too much more because of spoilers.

Another slightly more specific comparison I couldn’t help but make was with Dragon Age: The Veilguard. Alongside some visual similarities, both games have an early area that consists of a mystical forest with bizarre light shows in the air and broken, floating landmasses everywhere. Also, both games have another early area that appears to be underwater but the characters can walk around and breathe uninhibited. Lastly, both games have a thing going on where amalgamations of multiple dead bodies litter certain locales and leak pools of unspeakable fluid into the earth, and both games have characters that insist on walking around barefooted and treading in the aforementioned pools of smelly viscera. The game lets you change which character model you’re controlling at will, but I won’t be choosing Lune until she puts some bloody shoes on.

Podophobia-baiting aside, Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 is a beautiful game filled with wondrous landscapes, deep themes, and emotions ranging from elation to despair and everything in between. The central mystery is compelling and addictive, and the story is consistently surprising. All of the characters are likeable but, as with real people, all of them have their quirks or weaknesses that give them the potential to rub certain personality types the wrong way. This in turn makes for some interesting inter-party dynamics, and all of this is helped along by some great voice acting (although by default the voices are very quiet, so make sure you adjust the volume setting when you start), stellar visuals, outstanding cinematography, and wonderful music.

Very rarely, the game will throw some surprising platforming at you. This image shows the most hair-raising of all the platforming sections, and also one of the many outfits you can dress your characters up in.

Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 isn’t just an example of a fantastic game, though. It’s also an example of a new studio making a single-player, non-live service title and releasing it physically, and achieving great reviews and a stellar sales performance. It must be protected and it must be supported, so other developers and publishers take note and have the confidence to do the same. In this world where EA were fighting to wedge shared world features into Dragon Age: The Veilguard and have pretty much killed off that franchise because it doesn’t fit with their perceived future of always-online consistent worlds and microtransactions, Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 is an important breath of fresh air, and must be purchased by anyone with even a passing interest in video game preservation.

It is also very, very French. Play for long enough and explore hard enough and you can equip all of your characters with fetching berets and deadly baguettes as weapons. I’m not even kidding. C’est vrai!

The Precinct – Game Diary

In the midst of playing the sparkly and new Mario Kart World and getting addicted once again to the wonderful Dragon Quest Builders 2, I decided to start another game. The Precinct is an isometric cop simulator with an ’80s vibe and a story about a cop trying to live up to his dad’s name as well as figure out the details of the old man’s untimely death. It’s developed by a studio called Fallen Tree Games and was released across multiple formats. My daughter bought me the physical PS5 version for Fathers’ Day as I had expressed an interest while in a game shop with her a few weeks prior. A wonderful gift, I’m sure you’ll agree. I decided to start it today, and with it being something a bit different, I decided to make it the subject of a Game Diary! Would you like to come and apprehend some perps with me? Join me in my squad car, then, and don’t hit your head on the door frame as you get in.

Session 1 – 23rd June

Going into The Precinct I knew it was set in the 80’s, and as such, I was expecting to feel like Axel Foley, James Crockett, and Carey Mahoney all at once. The synth music while the game was installing was certainly a good start. I’m a total sucker for synthwave.

The game started proper and I was bathed in night-time city vibes dashed with neon and accompanied by saxophone sounds and synth beats. A voiceover (which sounded like it belonged to some kind of veteran cop) introduced me to Averno City, and told me that the cops are underpaid and overworked, and that plenty of them are crooked, and that they’ve all got targets on their backs.

The main character was introduced as Nick Cordell Jr., whose dad is a bit of a legend in the precinct who was murdered not long before the start of the game. The cut-scenes use still images but the drawings seem okay. The voice acting is a bit wooden but not too offensive, and I actually chortled a little at a bit of banter towards the end of the scene. It introduced five or six cops at once but none of them particularly stood out.

Nick was then let loose to walk around the station, and the isometric view is definitely interesting. I think it’ll take me a while before I stop trying to angle the camera and zoom in, though. Nick’s assigned partner, a guy named Kelly, doesn’t seem to want Nick around at first, but he turns out to be a bit of a joker and an okay guy who knew Nick’s dad. I bet he ends up being one of the crooked ones! Our first mission was to drive to a nearby hotdog stand and buy a hotdog. Nick was given the option of what to add to the hotdog and I made him choose “the works”. Got to roleplay a bit in these situations, you know?

Suddenly, there was a bank heist kicking off nearby. Nick put his foot down to get to a shoot-out outside the bank. The shooting gameplay seemed okay, if a little awkward to get to grips with, and then some of the bank robbers escaped out of another door and started driving off in a van. Driving slowly and legally is actually kind of easy (easier than it is in most games) but driving fast is a little harder, and there was a fair bit of collateral damage in the ensuing chase. We finally caught the perps at some kind of car repair shop, as after Nick had booked one and the chase had ended, we drove through the shop and the cop car got super fixed up in super quick time. So, yeah, we caught one of the bank robbers (they were wearing clown masks, because of course they were) and the rest ate a bullet or two.

At this point I was loving the vibe overall, mainly thanks to the music and my penchant for rainy city nights and neon reflecting on wet roads, but I think that the driving and shooting will take some getting used to. Either way, Nick’s first shift was over.

The next shift occurred during the day and introduced the cop’s handbook. While walking around the station at this point I did notice that sometimes a prompt comes up to talk to Nick’s fellow cops, but if you press the button nothing will happen about half the time. Just a little observation. We dealt with some parking violations next. Quite a step down from yesterday’s bank robbery. This appears to be an average policing day in Averno City. Vandals, hooligans, busy work, you know.

And suddenly, Nick found himself in a helicopter. Why are they letting him drive the chopper? He’s in the helicopter because everyone is really impressed with how he applied himself during the bank robbery, it seems, and he’s flying it because … gameplay? I don’t think he’s actually the one with the controls in-universe.

Anyway, the police work continued, including looking for speeders and tackling an old lady who made a run for it. I made a couple of observations here. Firstly, the walking animations are a little odd and jerky, and secondly, the NPC vehicle AI is kind of dumb whenever there’s a crash or a queue. Also, if you look too closely at the city, you’ll notice that the same store fronts and advertisement billboards are reused a lot and repeat quite close together. Don’t look too closely, okay!

Oh, and one more observation; the civilians who randomly walk around occasionally reference films of the era the game is trying to evoke with random quotes. I’ve noticed Scarface, Bladerunner, and Gremlins references so far.

There was a steel mill shout-out next, and it seems that The Precinct really wants to balance everyday police work with action movie stuff. We were investigating the August Gang at this point, the guys who did the bank heist, and there are two detective types involved, Ferrera and Li. No one is super memorable still, though. After the steel mill affair, Chief Jackson talked about Nick’s dad and how they never found the killer. I guess this’ll be the main focus of the story. Chief Jackson says that Nick’s dad would be proud. After this bit there’s a lingering drone-style shot of the city with a song that has vocals in it. We’ve opened up a new area called West Averno Bridges. The song was great, by the way.

Next up was our first day where we were left to go out on our own and patrol. You kind of walk around while the game regularly throws encounters at you, and you have to react to them according to the cop handbook. How much experience you get depends on how well you do, and it was pretty easy, although I did let a couple of criminals get away when there was more than one perp involved. Oh well, I’m sure they’ll see the error of their ways.

After this shift on the Chinatown beat I was introduced to a posh, British-sounding guy back at the station who was talking about some things that have gone missing. I didn’t catch what had gone missing exactly as I was checking the use by date on some salad dressing in real life. Yep, that’s right, it was time to go shopping. End of session one.

Session 2 – 23rd June

We started off this second session with an objective to investigate a suspicious object at a bank. It was a museum artefact in a case, a key to be exact. I don’t really know what’s going on with this quest line, I must admit. I was struck again by how awesome the music is, though.

On the way back from this minor call-out Nick, Kelly, and I caught a car-jacker and a litterer. The litterer took off at speed and ran down a civilian. He was also carrying counterfeit jewels. Book ’em, that’s what I say.

After that shift, the female officer in the white shirt mentioned an opportunity to go undercover in some illegal street races. This is an excuse to drive like a crazy bastard in a few locations around the city. We did a few of these and managed to win them all after a few tries. The races reminded me of an awesome video I watched on YouTube by Dungeon Chill about a super cool Japan-only PS1 game called Racing Lagoon. You should watch it. It’s here.

Some other miscellaneous things to report as Nick, Kelly, and me caused more damage around town; I witnessed another film reference, RoboCop this time. “I’d buy that for a dollar” someone blurted out randomly and without context. Also, I found that if you’re doing a foot patrol, it’s pointless responding to dispatches because you’ll never get to your car and make it to the crime on time. It doesn’t matter, though, there are always more crimes. Lastly, the gang we were investigating here is called the Crimson Serpents. It sounds like something from Cyberpunk 2077, which I’ve been very tempted to play lately.

Anyway, we chased a Crimson Serpents member, Weaver, to the top of a building, and an apparently crooked cop called Choi was talking to her. After a shoot-out with some gang members both Choi and Weaver were arrested, and Nick went into the interrogation room with Li to talk to Choi. Li’s voice actor was exposed a bit when he had to get angry here, but it’s okay. Choi protested his innocence but then started asking for a trade. Which is it, Choi? After this exchange, we were told we needed to start investigating the other gang known as the Lockjaws. Time for more police work!

I was winding down by this point as the wife had gotten home, but there were a few antics of note. One drink driver tried to make a run for it and Kelly tried to taze her but hit Nick instead. That was kind of amusing. I also got Nick killed for the first time while my wife and daughter were watching. A car-jacker opened fire during a chase and I made Nick get out of the cop car when we got close, resulting in him getting run over numerous times. Another car-jacker case just after this ended in chaos, too, with me not noticing that he’d pulled over and got out of the car and making Nick smash into him. He survived, though, and was promptly arrested. I’m starting to realise that The Precinct is a game of chaos, and I’m not sure it is entirely realistic. Fun though, I’m enjoying it more as it opens up and takes off the training wheels. Have I mentioned the music is really good? See you next session.

Session 3 – 27th June

Session three will be a quick one. I wanted to play because I haven’t found time in a while, what with work and life and stuff, but I didn’t have long before I had to head back out into the (currently very warm) outside world.

We chose to start off with the most exciting kind of shift; issuing parking tickets! Work and life got in the way in-game as well, though, as Nick only managed to issue one ticket for a parking violation and otherwise resolved a mugging, lost a car thief who thieved a car right in front of him, and lost the cop car so had to walk back to the station. He did a street race and a time trial on the way to the shift too. We got a gold time on the time trial, and while achieving this feat we smashed through lots of stuff that I’m pretty sure is designed to stop speeding cars, like traffic barriers and things.

On the way back from the shift we stopped into a bar to speak to an informant guy, but were called to a homicide scene by Ferrera. A grisly scene it was too, with a dead fellow covered in dollar bills and with his fists stuck in his mouth. We identified him as a guy involved in a Ponzi scheme. A Ponzi scheme! I recently learned what that is thanks to ambiguousamphibian, one of my favourite YouTubers.

We started the next shift, Nick, Kelly, and I, and I chose to go on another parking violation hunt, but my real-life alarm went off and it was time to go do real-life stuff. Those dastardly parking law violators will just have to get away with it for another day!

Session 4 – 27th June

This next short session began with a hunt for people who park bad. You know, bad parkers. It was amusing because we were ignoring car-jackings, muggings, and the like to concentrate on people who’d parked facing the wrong way on the street. I’m pretty sure that isn’t a crime here in England, by the way.

After this shift, we had to go and see Ferrera again, this time at the morgue. The guy who was killed was immobilised by a paralytic agent before the deed and was choked with cash. Nasty. Ferrera told us to get back to the murder scene to question the neighbours, but we had a perp in the car, so had to go back to the station first. When we did do the questioning, an old lady spoke to us through an intercom and said something about a white or nearly-white car.

Lots of miscellaneous police work followed this. Some highlights included Nick being shot by someone who was getting mugged while he was trying to arrest their mugger, and calling in an escort unit to take a perp back and watching them fly onto the scene in reverse in a battered cop car, disappear behind a building, come back onto the scene while knocking over a street lamp before disappearing behind another building, only for the cop to run around the corner moments later on foot. It was a very “don’t worry, everything is under control” moment. My daughter was watching at the time and we laughed heartily. Everything, from a car-jacking to a litter infraction, has a high chance of ending in absolute chaos in this game, and I like that very much. The NPC cops are wild.

The next shift was interrupted by another “stiff”, this time up on a rooftop. Ferrera was there again, and this victim was hanging upside down next to a rooftop narcotics plantation. Tied up with her plants, apparently. A Ponzi schemer and a drug grower – sounds like we’ve got a vigilante on our hands.

They’d have to wait, though, as it was time for me to take my daughter to her school disco. She wore a Lego Ninjago t-shirt and Pokémon jogging bottoms. Not big on dressing up, that one.

Session 5 – 28th June

This session started off with a chopper shift! Helicopter patrols, I guess somewhat unsurprisingly, feel kind of distant and disconnected. You fly around, spying on crooks from above, and deploying squad cars, foot cops, and stingers, and the NPC cops tend to put stingers in dumb places. It’s more fun being in amongst it, but flying the chopper is a cool vibe, nonetheless. You can’t crash it, though. At least it seems that way to me. It just seems to bounce off buildings or clip through them.

Following this airborne shift, Nick, Kelly, and I did a whole host of normal shifts. There wasn’t much in the way of story progression for quite a while, just arrests, a couple of races, and some general nonsense. We were building up evidence to investigate the Crimson Serpents and Lockjaws.

Eventually we got another call from Ferrera regarding a third stiff, this one found in a subway station. It’s related to the vigilante guy again, as this time it’s an extortionist who’s gotten himself the wrong side of our serial psycho. We also got all of the evidence for the next Crimson Serpents guy during this time, too, so that’s who we’re investigating next.

The next Serpent is called Popov, and the cops catch him thanks once again to Nick’s unlikely helicopter driving skills. In the interrogation room Popov is a bit of a jerk about Nick’s dad. What a jerk! Li sends Nick out of the interrogation room so that he doesn’t have to listen to a gangster be a jerk about his dad.

More shifts followed, and I saw a random civilian say “eat my shorts, man”. That’s a reference to a quite obscure TV show called The Simpsons. This TV show debuted in 1989, apparently, so I’m guessing this person was a time traveller.

Following our encounter with this anachronistic malcontent, Nick, Kelly, and I finished our shift and found that we had enough evidence to go after the first Lockjaw suspect. It’ll have to wait, though. I’ve been playing for a while, and it’s really, really warm at the moment. Time for a rest.

Session 6 – 30th June

We went after Viper Vega of the Lockjaws to start off this session. He sounds like a Rock ‘n’ Roll Racing character, but apparently he’s in a band called Caviar Lockjaw, who are something to do with the gang. They had been mentioned before but I’d kind of forgotten about them. This is starting to feel a little bit like that early mission in RoboCop: Rogue City, though, with the punk gang and the band.

We saw a parking violation on the way and stopped the car to hand out a ticket, but the game doesn’t seem to let you do such things when on the way to a story mission. The prompt comes up, but nothing happens when you hold the button. That dastardly curb parker will just have to get away with it.

When we found Vega he looked like a member of that gang from the RoboCop game as well, but we didn’t get a concert. Also, a gruff Cockney voice didn’t really go with his name or vibe. Anyway, we booked him after a short shoot-out.

Nick, Kelly, and I embarked on a regular shift after this. It started out with some guy randomly shooting at us from his car window. We killed him (lawfully) and then got a call from an anonymous tipster about a phone booth near the hospital. It turned out to be the serial killer vigilante guy with a voice changer and he (or she) sent us off on a wild goose chase around the city. I didn’t mind, though, because it was quite fun to drive fast with the sirens on without having to chase someone. This escapade was all dressed up as an opportunity to save his next target, but when we got to the goal there was just a hanging crash test dummy at the docks. There was a card with a pattern on it there. I haven’t been mentioning these cards, but they were left at all the murder scenes. Nick arranged them into a scales of justice emblem. Well done Nick.

Another normal shift followed after this. It was quite a long one with lots of arrests made for various infractions. A particular highlight consisted of getting shot at by a couple of Lockjaw gangsters, arresting one straight away, and then commandeering their own van to chase down the other one and shoot him dead. He had it coming.

Just before packing it in for this session we encountered another random NPC spouting another random film reference. “Here’s Johnny!” he said. Who just randomly blurts that out while walking through a dark alleyway in the middle of the night? Crazy people, that’s who. Should have arrested him.

We’re pretty close to gathering enough evidence to go after the next Lockjaw and the next Crimson Serpent, so I expect we’ll be doing that next session. See you then!

Session 7 – 2nd July

This was my first session on The Precinct where I wasn’t melting from the heat. We’re having a very hot spell here in the South-West of England. I’ve still got the back door wide open even now, but there’s a nice breeze coming through. Nick, Kelly, and I did some general shift work and I had a few observations. Firstly, I spotted a guy with a “repent your sins” sandwich board thing, which was cool and definitely appropriate for the era. Secondly, whenever you get in the car and drive off, there’s a little notice that comes up saying “wait for Kelly”, but you don’t have to wait for Kelly, you can drive off and leave him alone, and he’ll magically be in the car if he needs to be for gameplay or story purposes. It’s just as well since half the time he either stands around or runs off somewhere. Lastly, loads of people in Averno City seem to have the surname, Bosson. Must be a big family.

Anyway, after this shift we went after the next Jawhead, Aggro Annie. Yes, I said Jawhead, not Lockjaw. I’ve been getting the gang’s name wrong this whole time. I must have got the gang and the band mixed up. We nabbed Annie with our helicopter powers after she and her pals blew up some billboards. I must admit I’m only half paying attention to the dialogue a lot of the time now, so I’m not sure exactly why she was blowing up billboards. Probably a political statement.

During our next shift we got called back to the docks to see if there were any leads regarding the crash dummy thing. We got a plate on the suspicious white car, and it belongs to a lawyer! We went to see him. His name was Fletcher Lomax and he was basically an American Psycho reference with a definite Christian Bale vibe. On the way to his house I spotted a billboard for something called a HAL 9000 computer as well. 2001: A Space Odyssey has got to be one of the most referenced movies of all time.

After another standard shift with all the usual antics and chaos and, I have to admit, jank, we went after Wong, the head of the Crimson Serpents. After a shoot-out we caught him down by the docks and locked him away. He ain’t talkin’ though.

We then got another call from Ferrera to check on a former client of Lomax, and caught him in the act. He drove away and there was a short car chase. The squad car we called as back-up rammed him off the harbour wall and into the ocean, and then drove into the drink with him. These CPU controlled cops are insane bastards. Luckily, both the cop and Lomax managed to swim to the surface. Nick caught Lomax when he climbed a nearby ladder back onto dry land. He is in jail now. He thought he was a hero. Thus ends another night of absolute chaos on the streets of Averno City. This game is so broken, but I kind of love it for that. Some of the time, at least.

Session 8 – 7th July

I’ve had my birthday since the last session, which means two things. One; I’m slightly hungover. Two; I have a couple of new games I want to be playing, so let’s get this one ticked off, yeah?

Session eight started off with shift work. The only thing of note was when the shift ended and the cop car was too far away so Nick broke into a civilian vehicle and used that to drive home. We also managed to get the gold time in a really tricky waterside time trial.

Time to get down to business, though, as we’re going after Razor next, the top man of the Jawheads. This, as seems to often be the case, boiled down to a rooftop shoot-out followed by a car chase. It was only during this exchange of ammunition that I figured out the reload button. You have to tap the button that you hold to put the gun away. I don’t think the game ever mentioned this.

Once we’d put Razor away Nick was called in by Chief Jackson. At first the game was trying to trick me into thinking Nick had to investigate Kelly behind his back, but it was just a secret mission to get a cake for Kelly’s retirement party.

I had to pause the session here, as it was time for lunch (salad) and some birthday cake. Life imitating art, you might say. Once the session was back in … session, Nick and I drove to Kelly’s party, and I saw a Blue Harvest neon sign. That’s a reference, right? Something to do with Star Wars? Anyway, Kelly gave a nice speech at a rooftop bar, but the cop who works in the evidence office wanted to talk to Nick, and it turns out he found a letter addressed to Nick from his dad. Nick bailed on the party to go back to the station and read it, and it implied that the Chief knew more about Nick’s dad’s murder than he revealed. Unfortunately, the Chief came back and caught Nick snooping around. Now we’re in trouble.

After being sent on parking infraction and littering duty as punishment, Nick and Kelly decided to look into Chief Jackson, and caught him talking to Antonio, the informant guy we’d been speaking to at the pub to get information on the various gangsters. Nick went into a warehouse to follow the Chief, but Antonio was waiting, and bonked him on the head. Nick woke up tied to a chair and Antonio revealed that Nick’s dad and the Chief were on the take. He was going to kill Nick but Kelly busted in and saved the day. It turned out that Antonio was in charge of the August Gang, and with the Jawheads and Crimson Serpents out of the way (mainly thanks to Antonio’s info) the August Gang could get to robbing again. Another bank robbery was reported, and it was time for another shoot-out.

About halfway through this shoot-out Nick and Kelly caught some radio chatter between Antonio and the Chief, and for some reason that I kind of missed they’re on top of the bar we’ve been meeting him in. Nick and Kelly totally bail on the bank robbery shoot-out and go after Antonio and Chief Jackson instead. Another rooftop shoot-out ensues, and Antonio was a bit of a bullet sponge, but Nick took him down in the end, and he flew off the side of the building like a ragdoll. Entertaining.

With the Chief safe, he spilled the beans that he and Nick’s dad aided Antonio in exchange for dirt on all the top gangsters because they were underfunded, and told Nick about a secret safe in his office that had evidence that would blow the whole thing wide open. The game then gave Nick, and by extension, me, a choice. Would we destroy the evidence and save the department’s reputation, or publish it? I believe that, in the long run, honesty always turns out to be the best policy, and I feel like Nick would do the same, so we drove all the way to the news building and gave the evidence to the sexy journalist, Bree Bookman. Then, Nick went back to work.

Cue the end credits, along with some nice music, and a night-time flyover of the city. I didn’t expect to be finishing The Precinct today, but here we are at the end. A little epilogue revealed that they removed Nick’s dad’s monument, and then there was a short scene introducing the new chief, Yasmin Singh, and a quick reveal that Kelly is un-retiring. He better pay me back for that retirement cake.

Honestly, The Precinct is such a broken game. When you bring a perp back to the station to be booked, the cop who comes to put them in the holding cell cannot do so without walking into things and getting stuck on things. When cops come to pick up perps you’ve arrested out in the city they will park really far away, take ages to walk over to the criminal (if they make it at all) and then stand around doing nothing after they’ve put them into the car. Kelly will often run off instead of getting into the car when he needs to. The Precinct provides the facade of a functioning city, but the simulation doesn’t stand up to even minimal scrutiny.

There are other issues, too. The shift work can get repetitive, and you’ll find yourself ignoring certain crimes because they’re just outside your patrol area or because they’re not specifically the type of crime you’re looking for that day. This might all be a big statement on the state of real policing, but I wouldn’t know, and it kind of breaks the immersion.

Still, during the story missions, or when a car chase breaks out and hilarious chaos ensues, or even when you’re just cruising around the city in the rain with the lights reflecting on the road and the synthwave soundtrack carrying you along on blissful, neon waves, The Precinct is a lot of fun. It comes highly recommended for lovers of justice, chaos, and the eighties who are capable of tolerating a lot of jank.

Well, that’s the end of this game diary. I can go back and do shifts and earn XP and things, but if I do I won’t write about it. Thanks for reading what I did write, though, citizen. You’re free to go now.

Mario Kart World – Impressions

It’s a Knockout

I bought a Nintendo Switch 2 on the day of release. I’m not actually sure if I’ve ever done this before. Maybe with the PS Vita? I got really caught up in the hype for that one. Let’s hope the Switch 2 lasts a bit longer than Sony’s sleek, handheld, unwanted stepchild, shall we? The only Switch 2 launch game I was interested in was Mario Kart World (I already own Cyberpunk 2077 twice, okay?) so that was all I bought with it, and I spent most of June the 5th 2025 racing, battling, free-roaming, and unlocking and beating the Special Cup in 150cc. I like playing as Daisy, but she’s not unlocked from the start. I played as Dry Bones, Mario, and the bee for a bit before I unlocked the Queen of Princesses, and then I never looked back.

Mario Kart World handles better than Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. There, I said it. The karts are more satisfying to control and they feel more like they’re doing what you’re telling them to do. It’s probably a me problem, but I would often find myself frustratingly over-steering on tight corners while drifting in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, and trundling off-road, hitting a barrier, or troubling Lakitu. In Mario Kart World when I feel like this oversteer is about to happen I can keep hold of it, and end up hugging the inside line like Travis Pastrana in a flouncy orange dress.

If you jump into that water during free roam, Lakitu will show up and ruin your fun. Only certain bodies of water are accessible. I guess he doesn’t want you to catch a cold.

Being a careful and conscientious kind of fellow, I started playing in 50CC. I do not recommend this if you’re coming from Mario Kart 8 Deluxe as the controls are exactly the same and the handling is close enough that you’ll slide right back into the zone and 50CC will bore you to tears. If you saw all those previewers and YouTubers worrying about the “boring” straightaways during the build up to release, you’re going to live it if you play on 50CC. It’s for young kids and pensioners only. 100CC offers a bit of challenge and the occasional surprise, but 150CC is where it’s at. It feels fast, there’s plenty of chaos, and the other drivers will trouble you for most of the race.

Mario Kart World looks fantastic. The environments are wonderfully designed and the weather effects and skyboxes are gorgeous. As you progress through the cups the tracks really up the ante in spectacle, and there are some awesome moments. My first “okay, this is really fucking good” realisation came during the Wario Stadium circuit later in the Flower Cup that leads into Airship Fortress, and things only escalate from there, culminating in everyone’s favourite kaleidoscopic Mario Kart mainstay. Mario Kart World Rainbow Road is absolutely stunning, by the way. Transcendent, even.

A few of the P-switch missions I’ve encountered involve sliding around on these vines. You’ll tend to mess up if you try and get too fancy, so just keep the stunts to a minimum, okay?

I tried Battle Mode a couple of times. It’s fine, it’s the same as it’s always been. I like that balloon battle is knockout-based again. The arenas are all fairly large so it doesn’t feel overwhelming having 24 characters sliding around everywhere. In fact, you’ll barely see most of the back-markers during standard races, so upping the participant count to 24 seems a little superfluous. It’ll make a difference online, to be sure, but I’ve not dabbled in that yet.

The Knockout Tour is a lot of fun, but again seems geared towards multiplayer. It’s a bit of a shitter to get knocked out late on, but the mode is a good alternative if you fancy something different to standard races. Other than that, the new items seem cool, the costumes are pretty nice (but there aren’t as many as you might hope), and the new characters are cute if you can put aside any misgivings about bats and crabs and other such critters “steering” karts without arms.

Oh yeah, the Free Roam. I like the free roam, but I’m not sure of its lasting appeal. So far, though, I’ve enjoyed mooching around, finding P-switches, and undertaking the little missions. Many of them are tricky enough that you won’t beat them first time, but you can easily restart if you mess up. I’ve found a few Peach Coins and ? Panels, but they only seem to unlock stickers and I haven’t figured out what those do yet.

Would it have been better if they’d brought in some cool characters from the expanded Mario universe (Geno, Vivian, etc…) instead of sticking all these minions in karts? I think so, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.

My absolute favourite thing to do in Mario Kart World, though, is race over water. The watery sections of tracks are genuinely spectacular, and tricking off of the crest of the waves as bob-ombs and blue shells cause mini-tsunamis is an absolute blast. Hopefully someone in power at Nintendo will see how cool the water sections of Mario Kart World are and decide to dredge up Wave Race from the depths. We can hope, right?

Jet-ski dreams aside, everyone is talking about the price of Mario Kart World. Is it worth it? That depends on what you’re giving up to afford it. If you’re paying for Mario Kart World instead of feeding your children this week, then I’d probably recommend that you rethink your purchase. If you’re sacrificing a night out on the town for it, then yeah, you’ll probably get more out of this in the long run. Mario Kart World isn’t the next step in gaming, it’s not the ultimate, endless, open world experience that justifies the price hike, it’s just a really good Mario Kart game. It’s possibly the best Mario Kart game yet. I don’t know, just buy it if you want, I guess. I’m not your mum.

Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master – Retro Review

The Ninja Game That Ex-Zeeds Expectations

My most successful writing endeavour to date was a script I put together for the TripleJump YouTube channel about the ten most disturbing 16-bit video game bosses. I had the idea for the list myself and it ended up performing incredibly well. At the time, most TripleJump videos would get 20k to 30k views in the first week or so, and this one rocketed up to the hundreds of thousands. The algorithm must have really liked it, I guess. It’s not the best thing I’ve ever written, and to my eternal shame I forgot to put the Vortex Queen from Ecco the Dolphin at number one, but I’m still very proud of it.

The whole idea was spawned by a boss from Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master on the Mega Drive. The game’s third stage, ominously named “Body Weapon”, is set in a laboratory complex where the bad guys are brewing up disgusting minions in bio-vats. Slime-covered humanoids emerge from biological waste beneath the floor and brain monsters with insectoid wings lurk on the ceilings, ready to pounce on unsuspecting infiltrating covert operatives.

Go for the eyes, Joe! Go for the eyes!

Towards the end of the stage Joe Musashi, the titular Shinobi, will find himself up to his shins in organic matter in the sewers beneath the laboratory complex, and a gigantic and grotesque figure emerges from the waste in the background, spewing energy projectiles at our beleaguered hero. This creature is known as Hydra, and at the end of the stage Joe will come face to hideous face with it. Hydra’s pixelated horror is a perfect representation of how developers from the 16-bit era managed to expertly create uncanny abominations using the limited resources at their disposal. Limitation breeds creativity, as they say.

When Joe isn’t desperately battling gigantic, malformed, pulsating, atomic beam-belching monstrosities in infested sewer systems, he can be found traversing various cool action movie-style locations while taking on the rest of Neo Zeed’s minions. The game starts out in a forest teeming with enemy ninja that leads to a series of watery caverns, but soon enough Joe will be fighting on horseback under a stormy sky, traversing an industrial facility in a burning wood, crossing a bay on a cool, motorised surfboard thing, leaping from falling rocks in a moonlit ravine, and much more. Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master is full of awesome set-pieces that make it that bit more memorable that its predecessor, The Revenge of Shinobi.

This game convinced me that I wasn’t cool enough to grow up to be a ninja.

Unlike that game, Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master didn’t benefit from the craft of 16-bit musical legend, Yuzo Koshiro, but the team of composers that were brought on board for the follow up still did a stellar job, providing a distinct soundtrack full of epic highlights. The strange yet bombastic tones of “My Dear D”, the music that accompanies the aforementioned Hydra battle, are a huge contributing factor to that section of the game’s ability to stay with me for all of these years, but the entire adventure is backed up by blood-pumping and thematically appropriate tunes.

The gameplay was tweaked since The Revenge of Shinobi, and progress is a bit easier overall. Joe can now dash, and is able to perform a super-stylish flying kick and an awesome-looking running slash that comes complete with a generous helping of invincibility frames. He can also leap from wall to wall, which results in some interesting level layouts that test Joe’s newfound agility. While still difficult at times, Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master goes for spectacle over challenge, and if you know me, you know I’ll take awesome moments and memorable set-pieces over controller-biting difficulty levels any day of the week.

There are a couple of sections in the game that slightly interfere with the pacing, like this slow-moving lift section crawling with Zeed soldiers.

Alas, if you’re a strictly physical-only gamer (which I totally respect) Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master is a little bit expensive to get hold of nowadays. I think it’s a better time than The Revenge of Shinobi (which I also adore, by the way), but is it £100 better? Probably not. Still, with Lizardcube’s Shinobi: Art of Vengeance a few months away at the time of writing, Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master is the best Shinobi game out there in my opinion, and provides a non-stop roller-coaster of awesome, ’90s ninja-based action. Watch out for that third boss, though. Hydra has a tendency to stick with you, even more so than the Vortex Queen, apparently.

The Ooze – Retro Review

It’s Slime Time

An oft-forgotten monster type in the preternatural pantheon (unless you’re a fan of JRPGs or Dungeons & Dragons, that is) is the humble ooze or slime. These corpulent masses of gelatinous gunk used to be a mainstay of the big screen in the era of B-movie horror, with Steve McQueen’s The Blob leading the way and such masterpieces as X the Unknown and Caltiki – The Immortal Monster also getting in on the sentient slime action.

Not to be outdone, Sega Technical Institute came up with the idea for a 16-bit video game with a focus on vengeful viscosity, offering ’90s kids the chance to live out every gamer’s dreams of becoming a formless, quivering mass of repulsive goop. They unleashed The Ooze in 1995.

The game is at its most entertaining when you’re slithering through cramped areas and Dr. Caine’s form assumes the shape of its surroundings.

The game kicks off with a simple cutscene detailing the dramatic story of how the titular ooze came to be. A scientist known as Dr. D. Caine uncovers a plot at a chemical plant involving an evil corporation unleashing a toxic gas amongst the populace and then making a killing selling the serum that cures its effects. Shocked and ashamed, as Dr. Caine was the one who invented the gas, our hero tries to put a stop to the corporation’s nefarious plans, only to be captured, injected with gunk, and disposed of with the rest of the sludge. The bad news for the bad guys is that Dr. Caine survived, gained a new, goopy form, and is out to stop their schemes and regain his humanity.

This schlocky set-up results in a top-down action adventure in which players are responsible for guiding the puddle that was Dr. Caine through a variety of levels, slapping various enemies with extendible, gooey tendrils, and utilising goop-spitting attacks to clear the way. As the ooze comes into contact with environmental hazards or enemy attacks the puddle will shrink in size, with Dr. Caine’s adventure coming to an untimely, slithery end if the puddle gets too small or his goopy head takes too many hits.

Dr. Caine’s fate is actually pretty brutal when you think about it.

Alas, controlling this bilious mass is a mixed bag. While it’s fairly satisfying to slither around and squeeze our slippery hero through gaps and around terrain, the choppy animation and lack of visual clarity as to Dr. Caine’s status do detract from the overall experience. It can be difficult to tell just how close our oozy hero is to expiration, resulting in some surprising game overs, and discouraging use of Caine’s slime spit attack as it takes away from his sludge reserves.

When it comes to presentation, The Ooze isn’t one of the Mega Drive’s finest. Sega Technical Institute, an American branch of the Japanese giant, were also responsible for Sonic the Hedgehog Spinball, and some similarities in the music and visual style are apparent, but that game is much more aesthetically and aurally memorable than this one. If The Ooze looked and sounded more like Sonic Spinball’s toxic caves opening level, it might have lingered longer in the minds and hearts of gamers, but it was not to be. Instead, The Ooze is a little bland visually and, in the earlier stages at least, looks strangely reminiscent of Bitmap Brothers’, The Chaos Engine, although less coherent in its artistic vision.

The Ooze got a fairly negative reception upon release, but this seems a little unfair. It’s an interesting game that’s entirely unique on the console. Moving the goopy protagonist around the stages is fun in its own way, and slurping up goop dropped by enemies to further bolster our hero’s mucilaginous form is a satisfying mechanic. The team at Sega Technical Institute had some great ideas, and for the most part, they implemented them well, but it just needed some additional polish and personality to take it to that next level of quality.

The game is actually kind of hard. You might find it easy though, being such an expert and everything.

It’s a tad expensive to pick up a complete copy nowadays, but if you do find the concept interesting and can play The Ooze through other means, I recommend giving it a go. You should at least have a decent amount of fun enveloping the minions of the evil corporation in your slithering, overwhelming, coagulated, quivering folds. That’ll show ’em ooze boss.

This article was written for a now-defunct Sega magazine and never used. Played on Mega Drive via emulation.

Foundation

A City-Builder That You Just Might Dig

Developed by Polymorph Games and reaching full release on 31st January 2025, Foundation is a laid-back city-builder with a peaceful, pastel tone and a light-hearted approach. The game launched into early access on 1st February 2019 and, according to my Steam purchase history, I picked it up in March of 2019. It wasn’t much of a game back then – the UI was an ugly mess, the graphics were super-basic, the tech trees were incomplete, and much of the gameplay was totally unrefined. That’s the nature of early access, and it’s not something I mess with often, but something possessed me back in those care-free, pre-pandemic days, and now that the game is finally out, I definitely don’t regret buying it.

The main thing that Foundation does to differentiate itself from similar city-builders is its organic building placement. There’s no grid system, and the player doesn’t place roads, with paths occurring naturally on regularly used thoroughfares, just like the classic Settlers games. You can place any building absolutely anywhere inside your territory and your villagers will react accordingly once they’ve been assigned to the jobs there. Residential buildings are zoned rather than placed directly, with players using a paintbrush tool to highlight areas where the villagers can build their houses, and this same tool is used to highlight which resources should be extracted and even which areas your villagers aren’t allowed to tread.

Did you ever play with plastic farm animals and fences when you were a kid? This is that, but digitally.

Certain buildings are heavily customisable, from churches to inns to castles, and even the lord’s manor. When planning such works of architectural wonder, you’ll be selecting from various rooms, entrances, wings and decorations until you’ve got the layout you like, and once things are finalised your builders will get to work – if they’re not buying berries from the local market or sitting around on a bench, that is. The decorations will tend to increase your settlement’s “splendor” in one of three categories; labour, kingdom, and clergy, which will unlock new levels of building in these categories. Labour tends to encompass your market and your lord’s manor, clergy goes towards churches and monasteries, and kingdom grants you the ability to fortify your settlement and build watchtowers and castles. Fully upgrading these majestic works tend to be your end goal, and depending on whether you’re feeling regal, religious, or like a man of the people, you can choose an appropriate goal at the start of the game, or just do whatever you want and treat the whole thing like a big, medieval sandbox.

Foundation strikes an addictive balance between keeping things relaxing while still providing moderately challenging resource chains and progression requirements to get to grips with. It’s not difficult to get high level residential areas in your growing town, but it’ll take some time and provide you plenty to think about along the way. You might even need to partake in a bit of forward planning.

The higher-level residential buildings require nearby beautification, paved roads, and more. Fussy, these posh types.

The game’s visuals match its laid-back vibe, with cartoony villagers and brightly-coloured houses all nestled into a cosy, storybook countryside. At times, especially once I started to surround my settlement with a lovely palisade fence, Foundation’s visuals really took me back to my childhood days of lying on the sofa reading Asterix comics, and that’s a good thing. At the time of writing there is no day/night cycle, but you can manually change the visual ambience from daylight to rainy to night-time and to sunset, just in case you want to imagine the diminutive Gaul and his pals enjoying a lavish victory banquet under the setting sun right there in your village. There are enough boars in the forests to keep Obelix busy, that’s for sure.

While Foundation does enable you to build castles, erect defensive walls, and enlist soldiers, there is no combat in the game (again, at the time of writing), with soldiers instead sent out on missions, earning your settlement reputation and occasionally bringing back spoils. Your villagers will also appreciate feeling secure, with a decent level of local fortifications and patrols being prerequisites for higher density housing. If you want actual fighting, though, you’re probably better off with Manor Lords.

“If you find yourself riding alone through green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled, for you are in Elysium, and you’re already dead!”

Incidentally, the mighty Manor Lords, still in early access at the time of writing, is another game that I bought before its full release. While the two games go for completely different visual styles, and Foundation doesn’t seem to concern itself too much with historical accuracy, the two games have very similar mechanics. It’s not exactly fair to compare a game that’s fully released with a game that’s still in early access, but I will say that I enjoy Foundation more than I enjoy Manor Lords for now. Obviously, this could change drastically, but as things stand, I’d heartily recommend Foundation for those who’re still finding Manor Lords a bit short on content and goals, and don’t mind some cartoony visuals in lieu of Manor Lords’ historically accurate buildings and gorgeous rolling hills that look exactly like the views from nearby beauty spots here in sunny Somerset.

Foundation doesn’t go for this kind of realism, but if you like the idea of an organically growing cartoon village, customisable buildings and monuments, and a low-pressure, relaxing sandbox to lord over your bright-eyed little medieval peasants in, then you should definitely give it a try. It’s easy to pick up and quite difficult to put down. The gradual progress is addictive and the constant balancing act of keeping your villagers happy and your supply lines running makes it far too easy to just keep playing, even if you really need to be cooking dinner or picking up the child from her youth club or whatever. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience.

A sprawling monastery overlooks a developing town, and in the distance, the beginnings of a mighty fortress stand atop a hill.

If you remember playing the classic Settlers games, and occasionally miss its light-hearted, addictive style (and the way the roads and paths appear organically), then Foundation will definitely scratch that itch. If not, then give it a try anyway, you might find yourself fascinated by your organically growing medieval settlement, and become enthralled in the act of creating a beautiful little ancient Gaulish village of your own. Watch out for Romans, though, okay?